Page 22 of Fight for You
I could love you forever, Jordyn,Katlego had said with each kiss.“You want to keep me forever or until a beautiful, younger woman comes along?” As I spoke, Jamie’s mouth formed a line. “From where I’m standing, it’s always the latter. Now that we’ve got that covered, and I’m fine with you not promising me forever, let’s jump into the part where I thank you for saving me. It ultimately comes down to that. Methankingyou.”
“Jordyn, stop being sarcastic.”
“You left me to be raped—raped by a bag of bones. Yes, you were a kid, Jamie. So, I shouldn’t hold you accountable. But there’s a disconnect between my thoughts and feelings.” Indignation tightened my chuckle into something salty and bitter. “While I was sold and sold andsold,you went away. Became a good soldier. Saved the world. So, here’s a bigthank-youfor saving me.” My thank-you had all the ash and cinder of another simple two-word expression that ended withyou.
Jamie nodded slowly, as if letting my hard-hitting words penetrate. “That’s the farthest thing from the truth. Except for?—”
“Except for what?”
“The part where I was a soldier, and it wasn’t the world I saved, but another little girl in a cage. She …ahem… reminded me of you.”
Although his face had gone pale, a ghost of the past haunting him, I’d do the honors. I wanted to haunt and torment him for all those years he left me.Thislittle girl. “I don’t wanna hear about that, or the accolades.” I circled the island and sat on the marble surface in front of him. So close that I could breathe in his intoxicating cologne. Still, I wanted to stir up his mind, as much as hispresence did my own. He scooted back on the high stool. My leg did an arch as if instead of cotton pajamas, I wore my favorite pair of stilettos, and maybe nothing else. As my legs draped over his shoulders, I leaned forward, dominating the space between us.
I could practically hear his heart pounding against his chest. I moved closer, stroked his hair, then gripped the hair at the back of his neck, while my forehead kissed his.Boss move. “Nor do I want to hear about the service stripes on your, what is it called? The uniform that turns heads?”
“Dress uniform,” he said, mouth a snarl. While the tension between us could start a forest fire if only he would touch me and stop arguing with me, he did not, which left me confused.
Did I crave this man? Should I flee him? Or was my goal to alter his existence, making every breath that passed through his beautiful lips a source of torment? All because he’d left me.
When Jamie spoke, I had my answer. “Look at you, JorJor. You don’t know whether you want to bite my head off or take me to bed. Money allowed the men you encountered in the world to play God. That was not me. I may not be the same scared little boy who vowed that we would leave that basement together?—”
“You broke your vow!”
“I did!” He slapped a hand to his massive chest. “I admit that. That’s on me. Years of your still being in captivity, I own that, Jordyn. So, if you need time to forgive me, that’s understandable. Just don’t think I haven’t been in your sho?—”
Since I didn’t want to hear him try to create a connection between us, I cut in. “Okay, so we agree that I need time?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “You just resurrected your walls, Jordyn. Can we talk about the past?”
I shook my head.
After giving me an are-you-for-real look, Jamie nodded. He grabbed my calf resting on his shoulder, lifted it, and pushed himself up from the chair. I stood too.
While he was in the position to glare down his nose, to make me feel small, he didn’t. Compassion bled from his tone. “We never see ourselves fairly.”
“What are you talking about?”
Jamie glanced at my hands. Fingers balled. Nails dug in too tight. I’d drawn blood on occasion after having a new mani. What a restless habit.
“Stop hurting yourself. Stop hurting the man who?—”
“The man who what?”
“Wants to see the best of you.”
“Sure. This is the best of me.” I slapped my lovely cakes and strutted out of the kitchen.
“Come back,” Jamie called after me, rooted in the same spot. “Mark my words, we’ll take the long way or the shorter way around it. I’m going to remind you of the right way to visualize yourself. As the amazing, resilient, strong, Black woman you are.”
A scoff burst from my lips.Resilient? What was he talking about? Showing resilience didn’t mean being insensitive or heartless toward your rescuer. A part of me wished to embrace our younger selves. Then what?
Start over. I wanted a new beginning before Jamie evicted me because of my attitude, and I ended up like the woman I had shared In-N-Out burgers with earlier.
But forgiveness? That ship had sailed with all the hands that groped, choked, slapped, and owned me. I was halfway to the staircase when Jamie added, “And stop digging your palms into your hands before I make you stop.”
“That a threat?” I shot over my shoulder.
“If you hurt yourself, yes!”
