Page 124 of Ruling Scar
That could have been it. We wouldn’t have the opportunity to talk things out.
“I’m sorry,” I say automatically.
She snorts, using her free hand to wipe her nose. “You better not be. I’m a horrible mother.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I’ve done a lot of stupid shit, love. I’m not going to pretend to be the world’s greatest mamma. But I love you girls with my entire fucking heart. I’ll take the pain and I’ll reap what I sow, but by God, I don’t ever want my girls to get hurt.”
“I know,” I say quietly.
She continues to play with my hair. “I was embarrassed to admit how bad of a mom I am.”
“Stop saying that.”
“Stop trying to give me a pep talk.” Her grin is watery. She understands my need to make others feel better. “I’m apologizing to you. And not because I almost lost you. Because I suffocated you while never taking the time to ask about your needs. I’ve worried for twenty-eight years about my daughters and it turns out my neurotic need to keep them safe did the opposite. I made you feel like you couldn’t come and talk to me. Like you couldn’t tell me you were in trouble.”
“I didn’t want to scare you.”
“You didn’t want me to overreact,” she clarifies. “Seeing as what happened I think we can agree mistakes were made by both of us.”
My head sinks into the pillow, my head heavy.
She combs my hair. “Tomorrow we talk more, okay?”
I nod, the pillowcase scratching my cheek.
“And then the day after that.” The skin between her brows knits together. “And the next day and the next day.”
“Until all we do is annoy each other with too much information?” I ask.
Her chest swells and her voice is hard to understand as she fights through the sobs. “Yes.”
This is the first of several apologies. Not everything is undone just because of my accident. But it’s a step forward and I understand Mom is quick to say the first words because the truth is we might not always be around to do so.
I doze and the next time I open my eyes, Nat’s beside me, her baby bump an inch from my back. She’s sound asleep and so is Ren who’s curled up next to me.
In her sleep, she appears younger. Brown hair halos her face and there’s a smattering of freckles I’ve never noticed before. She’s in a hoodie and jeans and I can’t help but marvel that Ren Callahan, Aunt Macy’s niece is in my bedroom. She’s my best friend.
Along with Isolde.
She didn’t take up residence in my bed but instead pulled up a chair. If Ren appears different, then Isolde’s the opposite. She’s exactly who I expect every time I see her. Sure of herself and surprisingly easygoing considering her blank face. Her hands remain in her hoodie pockets and her blonde curls are pulled into a high ponytail.
Her thick British accent is surprisingly soothing in the darkened room. “You all right?”
My throat’s dry and I try to swallow. “Yeah.” This is the oddest sleepover ever, but one person is missing. “Ads?”
Isolde watches me closely and then nods.
“Is she. . .” okay?
“Yeah,” Isolde assures me with another nod.
Bullets ring in my head. One shot after the other. Brutal. Unyielding. Adeline stood over the body, with no emotion, no remorse.
I sit up slightly, careful not to disturb Ren and Nat. “Did I fuck up my sister?”
I should’ve handled Leopold differently. I should’ve talked to Mom and Dad. I shouldn’t be the reason my sister shot and killed some guy, piece of shit as he was.
