Page 121 of Ruin My Life
And that... unsettles me.
His mouth dips at the corners, like the weight of something old and unspoken is pressing in again. It’s not the usual edge I get from him. It’s... softer. Sadder.
And I hate that it makes my chest tighten.
I don’t want tofeelanything for him.
“I heard you were out with Connor today,” I say, changing the subject. “Getting information?”
Damon’s eyes snap open.
His sharp gaze lands on me, but I don’t shrink beneath it like he probably wants me to. I hold his stare with a blank expression, feigning my innocence.
Then his eyes soften again. He studies me like he’s weighing what version of the truth I deserve.
If he told me the truth now, maybe I could call this off.
Maybe I wouldn’t have to manipulate him.
Maybe I could justask.
But I already know the answer before it leaves his mouth.
“Not yet,” he says. “We’re still looking.”
And just like that, something in my traitor of a chest sinks like a brick into the pit of my stomach.
I didn’t expect him to tell me the truth. But some stupid, fragile part of mehopedfor it anyway.
“I want to help,” I say, keeping my voice level. “I know you don’t trust me, but—”
“That’s not why I’m keeping you out of this,” he cuts in, fast. As if the words had been sitting on his tongue, waiting to be said. “When it comes to the Songbirds… it’s just safer if we stay cautious. For now.”
“Damon, I’ve been doing this for months,” I remind him. “I’ve tracked them. Cornered them. I’ve seen how they work. I know how dangerous this is, and I can handle myself—”
“Iknowyou can handle yourself,” he says, but his tone is sharp, like the edges of broken glass. “But I can’t handle the thought of him hurting you more than he already has.”
His words fry my brain.
I open my mouth, then close it again when nothing comes out.
His eyes flare with something—rage, fear,need—and it knocks the air from my lungs.
Silence settles between us, heavy and electric.
This is what I need—his guard down, just enough to let me close. Close enough to take what I came for.
So why does it feel like I'm about to hurt both of us?
I shove the doubt into the mental lockbox where I keep everything else that makes me soft, and I rise slowly from the couch. “Why not?” I ask, stepping toward him slowly. “The only reason we met is because I betrayed you. The only reason I’m here at all is because I know too much. I’m a liability—a thorn in your side. Wouldn’t my death solve all that?”
Damon watches me.
His expression doesn’t shift much, but something deeper flickers through his eyes.
It’s haunted. Tired.
And equallypossessive.
