Page 28 of Briggs
“I don’t mind either way,” I told him.
“I do have chips as well. We can split the popcorn and have chips with it. Did you want to go into the back room and pick a movie?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yep,” Briggs told me as he pulled out a bag of chips and then a pack of popcorn. I was hesitant to go, but he seemed as if he was irritated. I wasn’t sure why or what would have caused that, but I wasn’t going to ask just now. If he wanted me to go to the other room, I would.
It wasn’t difficult to find because it could be seen from the kitchen area. I placed my can on a coaster and then picked upthe remote for his television. I heard the popcorn popping by the time I figured out Briggs’s remote and how to find the menu. There were so many more channels than I had, and I didn’t know where to look for movies.
The microwave dinged, and shortly after, Briggs came into the room carrying two bowls. “Did you find something?” he asked.
“I just figured out where your menu was. Where are the movies though?” I held up the remote, hoping Briggs would take the hint and pick something.
“Just push the button with the red N on it, and it’ll take you to one of the streaming services that has movies.”
After I found that button, I did as told, and sure enough, a familiar screen appeared. “Oh, wow. That was easy.” I looked up at Briggs. “Your TV is a lot fancier than mine. I have a basic one.” It was also really cheap because I didn’t exactly have a whole lot of money. Sure, my job paid me, but I knew that the enforcers made a lot more, as they should. Their jobs not only involved more, but they often found themselves in questionable situations.
“How about this one?” I asked as a movie I’d not seen was highlighted.
“Sure. I’m up for whatever you want to watch.”
I hesitated and moved on. “What are you in the mood for?” I asked.
“Todd, that one was fine. I’ve not seen it, and we can watch it if that’s what you want. If you want something else, I’m good with that as well.”
I went back to the other movie, and after staring at the remote, I found the ENTER button and pressed it. Briggs took the remote and placed it on the table beside him. Then he shocked me by grabbing my hips and pulling me closer to him,so close that our thighs were touching. “And now we can share the snacks,” he told me.
I smiled up at him before I sat back. This was definitely all new for me, and try as I might, I was tense.
“Are you all right?” Briggs asked. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”
I looked up at him. “I’m okay. This is new for me.”
“Did you want to move over? Would that make you more comfortable?”
“I just don’t want to upset you again, but I’m okay here if you are.”
Briggs’s brow furrowed. “Why do you think I’m upset? I’ve not been upset with you even a little.”
I nodded. “Okay. I just thought…earlier, in the kitchen,” I said. “When I touched your side? You seemed irritated or something when I stood back up from grabbing my pop. If you’re not, that’s great. I really don’t want to upset you.”
Briggs shook his head and chuckled. “Trust me, I’m anything but irritated with you. You were close, and my body reacted to you touching me. I was trying to keep from you noticing because the last thing I want is for you to think I can’t control myself around you. I can, and you’re perfectly safe with me.”
I gently placed my hand on his thigh, which stiffened beneath my palm. “I know I am. But what if I wanted you to not control yourself?” I sighed and looked away. “I know I’m damaged.”
“Don’t say that,” Briggs argued back.
“Then what would you call me? I have nightmares still. I was forced to do things that I don’t ever want to have to think about again, yet I relive them still in my nightmares. They are less than I used to have, but I still have them every so often. I’m damaged, and there is no other word for me. I’m not happy all of the time or whole, and you got stuck with me.”
Briggs shook his head and placed his hand on top of mine. When he did, I felt his thigh relax beneath them. “You’re not damaged. You have a past that is not one of your choosing. You are a victim and a survivor of horrific situations. You are strong, and sure, what you went through changed who you are, but you are far from damaged. You aren’t the only one who has nightmares. Plenty do, and for reasons much less than yours. That does not mean you are broken.” Briggs squeezed my hand.
I nodded as I slowly slid my hand out from under his. Once it was free, I moved just a bit away. I toed off my shoes and bent my leg up toward Briggs. “The movie is starting,” I said. I didn’t know what else to say to him. I was broken, and I knew it. Once he finally agreed to claim me, he’d see just how bad things were with me. He’d suddenly wake up in the middle of the night and find himself sleeping next to a large cat. Would I hurt him? I didn’t think so, but I honestly couldn’t be certain.
Briggs sighed and placed the popcorn on the couch between us. He got up, and although I wanted to follow his movements with my eyes, I couldn’t without making it incredibly obvious. I heard him in the kitchen area, and then there was the noise of the cabinets being opened and then closed. The movie started, but I was no longer interested in watching it.
I stood to find Briggs, but he wasn’t in the kitchen. When I walked that way, he was nowhere to be found. Maybe he had to go to the bathroom or something? I wasn’t sure. I tried to listen for him in the house, but the only sound was coming from the television. I went back to the couch and sat, thinking back to what I’d said before he’d gotten upset and left.
I was broken. Did I want to be? No. But I couldn’t change that. I was getting better. I could be around people now. I didn’t jump at every little sound. I felt safe now and could be around alphas. But I still had those dark moments that I couldn’t seem to escape. I’d tried. I honestly had. But no matter if I hadsurvived to be rescued, that wouldn’t help me with trying to figure things out with my mate.
