Page 80 of The Heart We Guard
Oof. His answer is like a red-hot poker through my heart.
“But not with someone you’re building a relationship with? So, it’s not for connection?”
“No. It’s stress relief. Fun. Something to pass a rainy afternoon. Club girls, they know how to treat the brothers right.”
I’m not sure how I even compete with women who are literally sex on tap.
“You share them? Do you pay them? Are they sex workers?”
Butcher shakes his head and sighs. “I’m in an unusual spot. I want to answer your questions, but I can feel you judging the life.”
“I guess I need to know one thing to feel safe in what we’re building. Would you carry on with them if we try this? Because not being exclusive is a deal-breaker to me.”
Butcher stands up, moves to my chair, then lifts me out of it, before sitting himself back in my seat with me on his lap. “We’re walking a minefield, Greer. New relationship. Baby. Pasts. Sexualities. These are conversations people take years building up, and we’ve got months. I got shit in my past I’m proud of. And there’s some that if you shine a light on it a certain way, then it, perhaps, doesn’t quite stand up to the scrutiny. But I promise you, I’m not gonna fuck around on you. The club girls, they know why they’re there. They’re looking for a brother to hook up with. Go about it using their bodies. But I’m serious about trying something different with you.”
“But forty-eight hours ago, you weren’t. And it’s hard to discern if this is about me or the baby.”
He pauses, tilting his head to the side as if he’s truly thinking through what I’m saying. “No way for me to convince you that I want you, only to show you over time. But I thought about you. Often, while I was gone. Saw you talking to some good-looking guy at a cafe once and almost kicked his ass. Would I have stayed away in some misguided attempt to keep you safe? Sure. But you’re here, now, and there’s three of us. And I’m gonna try and be a different man. So, help me out. What do youneedfrom me when you don’t want sex? So I don’t make it weird or pressure you without meaning to?”
My chest tightens, but it’s not with fear. “Talking. Touch is still important. Hugs, holding hands. My feelings for you don’tchange just because I’m not feeling sexual. I need those other kinds of closeness just as much.”
Butcher nods and kisses me softly. “Then, I guess I better get good at slow dancing in the kitchen and watching movies with your head on my lap so I can stroke your hair.”
24
BUTCHER
When Greer insists on cleaning up the dinner plates, I use the time to do some quick research on my phone.
Never heard all those terms she threw out over dinner. Asexual. Gray-ace. Or demi-sexual.
But none of them scare me.
Because spending time with Greer at her place, talking and watching movies, I realized there are more ways to enjoy a woman than railing her every chance I get.
Sex is important to me. But these definitions and Greer’s behavior to date suggest it isn’t off the table. It’s just not her first thought.
And to be honest, I like that I have to work for it, instead of the club girls who’d suck my cock if I so much as looked at them.
I stand to meet her when she walks back into the room and take her hands. “How does this work?”
“How does what work?”
“I want to take you to bed. I want to get you naked, play with you, a little. I missed you and your body. But with what you told me, how do I know what you want?”
It’s the first time I’ve seen this kind of shyness in her features. “Same way everyone else does. We ask each other. We kiss, and sometimes it leads somewhere, unless the other person says no.”
The soft smile and shy shrug she offers does something to my heart, making it skip a beat.
I take her hand and lead her up the stairs to my bedroom. Looking at it through her eyes, it’s not the most interesting. Comfortable mattress. Simple navy bedding. Devoid of any real decoration.
But then again, so was her house. Maybe there’s some kind of metaphor or analogy in that. Like we were both waiting for each other to build a home.
When we reach the edge of the bed, I cup her cheeks. “So, if I asked you now?”
Greer smiles. “I’d probably tell you it would help me sleep.”
“You’re bad for a man’s ego,” I say, before kissing her softly.
