Page 30 of The Heart We Guard
She places her hands on my cheeks. “There’s no timeline on processing trauma, Nolan. I don’t ever want to know why you showed up at the hospital with two bullets in you, but you need to reconcile what happened with yourself.”
I blow out a breath.
Greer leans forward and kisses my forehead. “You’re going to be okay.”
“I almost died. Shot twice in a stranger’s…an enemy’s hallway. My daughter nearly had to bury me, Greer.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
“Like I’m a fool. Like life is the only thing that matters. Like I would have left a mess for Ember. My affairs. My will. My home. I’d have been ashamed by my lack of legacy.”
Greer nudges my hair back off my face. “Then, now you’ve had a taste of what the end could look like, you’re blessed to get another try at things.”
I kiss her stomach as I consider her words, a little lost in how to get started.
She begins the process of removing the dressings, taking care not to tug. The scar on my abdomen had been a shock when I’d washed myself at the sink. I hadn’t realized just how much damage the gunshot wound had done. But it’s all pieced back together with perfect stitches.
“Is it too soon to be doing this?” I say, the shower suddenly something I don’t really want to face.
Greer strokes my shoulder. “It’s fine. Everything is sealed, if not healed. Once you’ve showered, I’m going to remove some of these stitches for you.”
I huff a smile at that, the mood between us lifted. “I can’t wait.”
Once all the dressing is removed, Greer moves to the door. “I’ll be outside if you need anything,”
“You’re leaving?” I ask.
“You need some privacy. Take your shower. There are towels in the cupboard, and use any of the toiletries you like, but use the soap in the blue container. It’s antibacterial and will help. Call me if you need me.”
I raise an eyebrow.
“Medically,” she says, quickly. “If you need memedically.”
“Whatever you say, Doc.”
But I’m sad when the door closes behind her. I slip out of my track pants and the boxer briefs she bought me, then turn the water on.
It runs cold for a good while before getting warm, but once it is, I step underneath.
Never in history has any shower felt as good as this.
I gingerly clean my scars and manage to shampoo and condition my hair myself with one arm. I soap everywhere else vigorously, as if cleansing off years of dirt and regret.
The water flashes hotter, but I don’t mind the scalding sensation as it washes over my skin.
If anything, I’m starting to think it’s the only way I’ll ever get myself clean.
9
GREER
Ijump when I hear the thud in the pipes from the water being turned off. The moment in the bathroom before the shower had me in a chokehold.
Intimacy is such a wonderful thing to have with another person. You can have it with your family in the form of conversations that shape you. You can have it with friends who send you little notes that show they are thinking of you or reach for you and hug you when the news is exciting, or happy, or devastating. And you can have it with a person you...love. Whatever the definition of that is.
Maybe that’s what I just experienced with Nolan in the bathroom.
Nolan.
