Page 116 of The Heart We Guard
“Nolan.” I want to hug him, thank him for the sacrifice he’s about to make. But I’m not going to do that until I’m absolutely certain he’s doing it for the right reasons, so he won’t resent the choice—and me—later. “I don’t want you to give up who you are for me.”
“It’s been a huge part of my life,” he says, a soft smile on his face. “It will always be a part of me, and I’ll always be a part of the Iron Outlaws. But you and this baby? That’s my future.”
I can’t imagine the kind of sacrifice he’s making. I think of Eli and all the conversations he shared with me about how the club was the only place he felt like he had a real family.
“I feel like you’re giving up so much and I’m not really giving up anything at all.”
“You don’t have to give up anything to keep me, Greer. With or without the baby. It was you, first, and it’ll be you, last, long after the baby’s grown up and left home. Long after the club has rotated through senior members. It’s always going to be you. Because if I can’t have you, there won’t be anyone else. I know I said three months, but I don’t think I can wait that long to know if you’ll stay forever. So, I’m going to step down to have more time with you and our child and rebuild my relationship with Ember.”
“I can’t believe you’re stepping down. I don’t want you to make a decision you regret because of me.”
Butcher snuggles back down the bed a little and smiles at me. “Yeah, but what am I gaining, babe? I gain time. Nothing more precious than that. I get time to hold you like this. Build a rock-solid relationship with Ember over time, and be a proper grandfather to her kids. I get time to walk our kids to school. I get time to help you with the mobile clinic and build a world for our kids that won’t eat them alive like it did your brother. We can go to Vegas, and I can finally meet Wade. We’ll have Esme come stay, I’ll still be on the periphery of the club and maintain my identity of who I am and what I believe in. I still believe in the club and the brotherhood and building a life on your own terms. That won’t change.”
A single tear slips down my cheek before I can stop it.
“Don’t cry, love. Kills me when you do. You changed me, Doc. You’ve made me want things I didn’t deserve, so I’ve been working to earn them. I’m ready for this, Greer. Right down to my boots. I want this. I want you.”
I kiss him, all salt and skin and breathless hope.
“Then, you have me,” I whisper. “For however long we get.”
Butcher smiles. “Forever doesn’t sound long enough.”
34
BUTCHER
“Butcher,” King says when I video call him the next morning as I walk around my property. With winter coming, there’s a long list of jobs I should hunker down and get done before the snow comes in. And I smile at the thought that I now have a strong future son-in-law I can rope in for the heavy work.
There are some trees that need to be chopped down because they’re dead or sustained broken branches. They’ll need chopping up for firewood and Atom is about to learn an important lesson on how to keep his father-in-law happy. There’s pruning to be done that allows what’s left to become even stronger.
And I’m certain there’s an analogy for what I’m about to do in that.
The national and New Jersey chapter president of the Iron Outlaws has his dark hair pulled back off his face with a black-and-white bandana. He’s shirtless and covered in sweat.
“If now’s a bad time, I can call back,” I say.
He shakes his head and pans the camera behind him to where Bates is skipping rope, and Niro is bench pressing a littlegirl who is squealing. “Definitely not a bad time. My workout’s over. What’s up?”
“Can you go somewhere private?” I ask.
“Yeah. Gimme two minutes.”
He grabs a towel and his T-shirt, and walks to his office. I’ve only been to the New Jersey clubhouse twice before. The first time was when King was just a punk with no idea how to tie his shoelaces. The second time was for his father’s funeral, when he looked fucking struck that he’d lost his dad and become club president.
Now, I see a man who’s comfortable in his own skin. He puts the phone down on the table, and when he reappears, he’s put his shirt on.
“What’s up?” he says, finally.
“I want to step down as president.” Words I never thought I’d say.
King rubs his hand over his jaw. “Why?”
“Because my redemption isn’t fixing the club. It’s fixing me. Fucking love the brotherhood with my whole heart, but I’m looking down the barrel of the second half of my life and wondering what I want it to look like. Can’t imagine not being part of the club, so I don’t want to leave. But…I just…there’s a passion in me to do something else.”
King smiles. “This got anything to do with the doctor you had Vex chase down?”
“My daughter, Ember, is engaged to Atom. They’re pregnant. And I want a better relationship with her and my grandkids. And, yeah. The doc? She’s my fucking world and she’s pregnant too. I’m gonna be a dad again.”
