Page 115 of The Heart We Guard
I snuggle against him. “I don’t know why I assumed that I’d never meet the right person at thirty-six. I know all the smart reasons why that isn’t true. But you really came out of nowhere, Nolan.”
The dresser at the bottom of the bed has a long mirror over it, and I can see the two of us. Him with his weathered and tanned skin covered in ink. And me, raised in an era of sunscreen and with not even so much as an ear piercing. We’re as different in looks as we are everything else. And yet, in other ways, we work.
“I’ve thought about what would have happened if you hadn’t been there in the parking lot that night,” Butcher says. “I’m not sure I’d still be here. I was checking out. On life. On love. On my family. But I’ve thought of you more times than I expected, since that moment. I’m really glad you’re here.”
His arms tighten around me, and I’m filled with a confidence to be honest. “I’ve never felt that way with anyone before,” I admit. My voice is barely above a whisper. “It’s not just the sex, which, as mind-blowing as it was, wouldn’t be enough for me. It’s the closeness. The safety. The emotional bond of it. The connection between the two of us.”
Butcher doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t look away or look confused by what I’m saying. “That’s why I asked about the lingerie. I don’t want you to ever do anything sexual to try and make me happy. I want you to be you. I want sex to strengthen what we’re building, not ruin it.”
It’s strangely emotional to consider what I’m about to say. “Not all my partners have been that understanding. I’ve had people walk away because of who I am. Or try to push me into things I wasn’t ready for.”
A look of fury glances his features. “They tried to?—”
“No. No. Not that. Just not respecting boundaries. The whole ‘three dates and you’re out’ thing doesn’t work too well if you need a deep bond with the person to even remotely feel like having sex with them.”
He kisses my forehead. “I’ll never be one of those people. You set the pace. Every damn time. You hear me?”
My throat aches. “I do.”
“I mean it, Greer. You want something, you tell me, just like you did today. And for the record? You’re right. I know what happened between us wasn’t just about sex. It was about you trusting me. About letting me experience something meaningful with you. That means more than you could possibly know.”
“If I said I was falling in love with you, Butcher, would it worry you?”
He smiles softly. “I’d just tell you to catch up.”
Tears burn at the edges of my vision, but I don’t look away. “In that case, I love you,” I say, my voice quiet but clear.
Butcher exhales like I just gave him the world on a plate. He brushes a thumb across my cheek, softly kisses the corner of my mouth. “I’m glad you said that, because I never thought growing old with someone was for me. But I’ve been in love with you since you told me that, if I died, you’d failed at your job. Even if I didn’t want to admit it.”
I laugh, and he kisses me again, deeper this time. It doesn’t have the same potent sexual hunger, but it’s filled with promise.
“I’m pretty sure you hated me when I fed you soup for dinner.”
He shrugs. “Meh, if you come with the soup, I’ll eat it for dinner every night, willingly.”
“Well, on the nights you cook, we can eat differently.”
Butcher chuckles at that. “Prepare for things I shot and grilled.”
I grimace at that. “I’ll do my best to adapt.”
“Maybe I’ll have more time to learn how to be a better cook, father, and husband.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I’m going to step down as president of the Iron Outlaws.”
“What?” My jaw drops open, and he shifts me so I’m facing him. “This doesn’t feel like a conversation to be had naked.”
He touches my new bra. “You’re not naked.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I’ve thought about it. And in some ways, it’s been a long time coming.”
“But…why?” My heart pounds in my chest. “You love the club. It’s your life.”
“I do love the club. And it’s not quitting. Just standing down as president and stepping back as one of the more active members. I got an idea I’m gonna talk to King about. He’s the national president. But in the meantime, I thought I could step back. Fix up the house with you. Move your stuff here. Combine our lives.”
