Page 57 of Second Act at Appleton Green
Lily grabbed Nick’s arm to steady herself.
‘You told Jasper?’ she asked her.
‘I told everyone. Everyone should know what a flake you are.’
Lily took a moment to compose herself and then looked at Jessica.
‘I was so grateful to you that day when you came to me to see if I was okay. It meant a lot. I see now I was wrong to think you and that woman you pretended to be were decent people.’
She walked downstage and then jumped off onto the floor.
‘Jessica, the role is all yours now. I’m sorry, Jasper, but under these circumstances, I can’t stay on. I will not work with her; she is truly horrendous. I wish you the very best with the show.’
‘Lily,’ she heard Nick call out from behind her but she kept walking away from the Appleton Green Amateur Drama Society and her broken and betrayed heart.
Letter
To my sweet Lily, aged twelve,
I’m sitting in the cottage with the window open, listening to the rain fall outside. We need this rain so I welcome it with open arms.
You left in a huff I noticed. You seemed to be very cross with your mum about something. I didn’t ask because I am sure it will blow over, but you were very harsh on her. I know mums can be annoying; I remember your dad being annoyed with me often, but us parents mean well. Try to give her a little grace.
Now that you’re home, Pippin Cottage is quiet again.
I can see the changes in you, Lily – perhaps the cottage isn’t as fun as it used to be anymore. Twelve is an age where your friends are your world and your gran and parents are a bit of a boring time. I understand that. I was twelve too, you know.
I do understand how you feel and how it feels like everything around you is changing – including you yourself. Growing up is hard, and things that used to be simple or enjoyable may not seem the same as they did before.
We still had a lovely time, playing piano and singing. You have taken to Cole Porter this year and I have enjoyed hearing his music again. He was a wonderful composer, and you sing his songs so well.
I know what it’s like to feel like your body is changing and your mind is filling up with new ideas and thoughts. In fact, it’s normal to not know what to do with yourself sometimes. Twelve is a funny age because it’s neither a child nor a teenager. Your feelings change quickly, like the wind. One minute you’re happy and laughing, and the next you’re sad and quiet. And I want you to know that it’s okay to feel this way. I saw it this summer. That’s how you grow up, and it’s not always fun.
As always we did some gardening, planting flowers, pulling weeds and gathering herbs, but we have decided to leave the apple tree this year. Perhaps we are all apple-d out. Now Mr Wilkinson is gone, we have no one to give the apple sauce to.
Lily, remember that these changes are a part of becoming the person you were meant to be. You don’t have to know everything now; this is time to get to know yourself. There will be good days and bad days. Both are very important. You’re taking care of yourself, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
With all my love,
Gran
24
Lily Baxter had always been a master at retreat. The repeated feedback she got when performing at college was she was too self-effacing, as though she didn’t think she belonged on the stage. Any conflict, on or off the stage, and she would pull back, raising her drawbridge and battening down the hatches of her heart.
It was safer that way, she told herself. Lying on the sofa at the flat was her main mode of avoidance, but at Gran’s she didn’t have that opportunity. She still had to care for her and make sure everything was running smoothly at the cottage.
Her mother told her it was because she was a Cancer and crabs liked to be in their shells to stay safe, which could have been true, but Lily knew it was because she was so easily bruised.
Things that other people brushed off about feedback or lovers betraying them or nasty comments or reviews hurt her deeply. She had tried not to care but she did. She cared too much about everything, and thinking that everyone was laughing about her behind her back in the show broke her heart. So she stopped answering her phone or texts from anyone in the show and most of all Nick.
He had even come to the house and Gran had told him Lily didn’t want to see him, which she felt bad about, making her ninety-seven-year-old grandmother do her gatekeeping, but Gran seemed to enjoy it, even lecturing Nick to be patient and give Lily time to think.
But the show would go on, she told herself, and no doubt, Jess would play the role of Eliza now and Lily would just go on with her life. So why couldn’t she stop thinking about Nick?
Instead she threw herself into the garden. Despite Gran saying it was a waste of time Lily needed to be busy.
The garden was a mess and it was the perfect distraction from thinking about Nick and Jess.
