Page 20 of Consequences
“Lio needs you. He might not realize it, or admit it, but then he’s always been more cautious than I am with feelings. He might have let you touch him the first time because he needed the release, but the other times? Whether he’s ready to acknowledge it or not, it was more than stress relief on his part.
“How can you be there for him if you’re not there for yourself?” He gentles his tone. “I want my best friend to be happy, and I won’t sit by and let you destroy yourself before you even get the opportunity to put yourself before Il Padrone and ask for his permission to stay with Lio.”
Clenching my jaw, I try to take calming breaths through my nose. There’s a headache brewing behind my eyes, and my entire body aches from the tension I’ve been holding. I don’t want to admit it, but his words hit like a fucking freight to the chest.
“And what about Tennant? I’m going to assume he doesn’t know about how you operate without him? This isn’t the first time he’s been hurt.”
Swallowing, I shake my head, unable to lie.
“I thought so. I love him. I don’t care if you believe me or not, or even care, but you gave him to me, remember? I’m supposed to take care of him, to look out for his happiness. I know you make him happy, that he loves you. I don’t want to tell him aboutthis…” He huffs a breath, his eyes steady on mine as he says, “But I have to. He has to know. I don’t want to hurt him like this, but I can’t keep it from him either. Don’t stress him, or Lio, out so soon into their recoveries, just because you’re a dumbass.”
I break. All the fight leaves me as I stumble and reach for the chair at the end of Leandro’s desk, collapsing into it. Closing my eyes, I grip the armrests and hold on tightly as my breathing quickens and tears burn the back of my eyes but don’t fall. The tightening in my chest has my head spinning, and it’s all I can do to stay sitting upright.
Several moments later, it eases, and I can take a full breath, even as my body trembles and a lump forms in my throat. Dropping my head down, I take careful breaths, trying to ease my racing heart and thoughts, before opening my eyes again.
I’m surprised to see Benjamin kneeling in front of me, concern written all over his face.
“What can I do?”
I shake my head. “N–nothing. I…I need Ten. Just… I need him to be okay. He’s my everything. Losing him would be like losing myself. He was the first person I ever trusted to touch me after everything. The first man I ever loved. Ever fucked—willingly. He needs to be okay. I have to make sure he’s okay, that those responsible can never touch him again. I can do this, I can gather all the pieces and help our Family take them down.”
Carefully, telegraphing each movement, Benjamin places a hand on my knee, offering a small bit of comfort. “You can’t if you’re in a hospital bed next to him,” he says quietly.
Sighing deeply, I nod in acquiesce. “You’re right,” I reply in a barely-there whisper. “Il Padrone will take one look at me and kill me for even thinking I deserve to touch Emilio. I… It’s more than sex between us, even if it wasn’t ever supposed to be.”
“I know,” he replies. “I know Lio very well. Sometimes—a lot of times—I know what he’s feeling before he even does.He’s going to need both you and his Master to get him through this. His mind is going to be on vengeance, especially since that federal fuck died so easily. He’s going to need you to help ground him. But not like this.”
I nod again, though the exhaustion that's crashing over me barely allows me to do that.
“And what of Roman and Jude? Did you forget about them in all this?”
I shoot him a withering glare, or at least try to. “No, of course not. But…Roman understands. He was here when that bastard from my past kidnapped Ten. He knows how I operate. Jude…he doesn’t make waves unless he has to. If it was important, if Roman needed more than just him, he would have dragged me out. He might not show it, but he’s processing as best he can as well. He is…the most emotionally stunted of us all, but it helps that he’s a touchstone for Roman.”
“You need them just as much, if not more, than they need you. So, get your ass upstairs, drink something other than fucking coffee, and sleep for at least twelve hours.”
I raise a brow. “Are you a doctor now?”
He gives me a hard look. “I’m not above going to the doctors and giving them an official report and recommendation. What do you think they’d say about you?”
I curse. Doc will go straight to Cristian, and I will have my ass handed to me so hard. Cristian does his best to not order me around, trusting me to take care of not only myself, but Tennant and Roman as well, but I know he wouldn’t hesitate to remind me which one of us has the Amato name.
“Thank you, Benjamin. Sei buono per tutti noi, non solo per Ten.”
He huffs. “What is with all the Italian? Like I have time to learn it right now, but it is high on my list.”
I smile for the first time in days. “You’ll get used to it. Exposure is the best tool.” Leaning forward, I brush my mouth against his. “Grazie. Ti apprezzo, più di quanto tu sappia.”
He rolls his eyes, but stands and holds out a hand. I let him help me up, and lead me all the way upstairs. I’d argue about being treated like a child who can’t be trusted, but…I wouldn’t take any chances either if I were him.
“Sleep, eat, drink, and in the morning, we’ll go see Tennant together, before Doc kicks us out.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
“Don’t let it happen again. I’ll kick your ass if you do.”
I laugh a little, the sound foreign to my ears. “I make no promises, but I’ll try.”
He sighs, but realizes it’s the best I can do as he lets go of my hand and takes a step back.
