Page 10 of Unsettled
The look I get is one that says he doesn’t quite believe me, but he lets it go, stepping back and reaching for Jude’s hand. Spinning on my heels, I head back into the dining room, suppressing the roll of my eyes when the door slams shut afterBenjamin follows me in. Retaking my seat, I watch Benjamin carefully as he decides what to do. I'm surprised he sits beside me again, but I turn my chair to face him.
He looks at me with wary sea green eyes, and it takes all of my control to not smile at his discomfort. “So?” he says. “You wanted to talk, let's talk.”
Shaking my head, I huff. “Stop being petulant. One would think you’re a child instead of a grown man.”
He moves to get up. “There’s far more important things that I could be doing, rather than sitting here and listening to you insult me.”
“Sit down, and get your head out of your ass,” I tell him firmly. “I already told you; if you want to act like a child, I will treat you as one. You have no right to get all high and mighty with me when you haven't proven that you’re mature enough to get over yourself.”
He stares at me open-mouthed for a moment before saying, “You have no idea what’s going on. How Lio’s been treating?—”
“Don’t,” I cut him off. “I’ve already spoken to Emilio. Yes, I will agree, he hasn’t been the best friend that you need, but I also don’t blame him. What you did for Tennant…while it earned you my respect, those outside our family, who don’t know Ten as we do, they’re not going to understand. This is something you’re going to have to learn to deal with if you’re going to be with Tennant. Not everyone understands him, or wants to.
“Your job, as Tennant’s partner, is to love him and be with him. And to make sure your best friend and Boss is okay.” Shame and anger are at war on his face. Sadness fills his eyes as his frown deepens, but I don’t have any sympathy for him.
“I spoke to Emilio last night,” I say again. “I tried to get him to understand what happened between you and Ten.”
“He actually listened to you?” he gripes. “Typical. He can forgive you and Roman, despite his ‘burn down the Amatos’mentality from just a couple of days ago, but me? He can barely look at me with anything but contempt.”
Why are they both so difficult?
“Then you’re not looking at him properly,” I tell him. “Because I watched him throughout the meeting. When he wasn’t trying to seduce me with his eyes, he was looking at you with longing and sadness. Anger was there too, yes, but he was only giving you what you gave him. He had a breakthrough last night.” I smirk. “And it didn’t even take me putting him over my knee.” I watch him carefully before saying, “But I will putyouthere if you don’t shut up and start listening. I knew Emilio was selfish, but I didn’t think you were, too. Perhaps I was wrong about you, Topolino.”
He leans forward. “You can’t talk to me like this. I don’t have to sit here and listen.”
I shrug and sit back in my chair, crossing my legs and setting my hands in my lap. “You earned my respect with how you handled Ten. I consider you on my level when it comes to him, but as much as I want him to be happy, I won’t sit back and let someone ruin everything we’ve built because of a temper tantrum.”
He scoffs, and once again, tries to stand. I’m quicker. Uncrossing my legs, I reach forward and shove him down into the chair, digging my fingers into his shoulder as I do.
“We’re having a conversation,” I say mildly. “Sit and finish it.”
“No, you’re being an asshole. I get it, okay? Ten is yours, whatever. You don’t have to rub it in my fucking face. He already explained how much he cares about you, Roman, and Jude.”
“He also explained where you fit in.” I watch him carefully as I say, “Tennant doesn't keep secrets from me. I know what you talked about. If you can't trust him at his word, this will never work between the two of you.”
His face crumples and he sits back in the chair, defeat seeming to weigh him down. “I already had my heart broken once,” he says softly. “I won't survive if Tennant decides he values you over me.”
Gentling my touch, I scoot my chair closer to his. “You have a lot to learn about Tennant. He's all in with you. He has been from the moment he let you live.”
He sucks in a shaky breath. “And that doesn't upset you? I'm having a hard time accepting that I have to share his time and attention.”
I shake my head, squeezing his shoulder again, hard. “You're not. Tennant can't separate us neatly in his head and heart like that. Everything else, he's good at compartmentalizing, but when he loves, he loves with his whole being. I can assure you, you're never not getting his whole self.
“I can curb my need and obsession enough to give him what he wants. If I couldn't, we wouldn't have Roman and Jude. Tennant has only ever tried to make me happy, so it's fair I do the same.”
Worry-filled eyes meet mine. “I don't want to lose him. I'd die for him a thousand times over, but losing him…” He shakes his head. “No one has ever loved me like he does. Or has ever accepted all of me, and pushed me to be better. I know Ignacio loved me, but he also coddled me. Tennant never has, and I need that, more than I need to breathe.”
There's a spark in his eyes that takes my breath away, and I can seeexactlywhy Tennant fell head over heels for this boy.
Pulling back from him, I take a deep breath and roll up my sleeve, letting Benjamin get a good look at the scars on the inside of my wrist.
“When I was seventeen,” I say carefully, “my father sold me to pay off his debts. I spent roughly three years being used for other people’s pleasure. That doesn't just go away. Time, and thecare and love from Tennant, Roman, and Jude have eased the hurt, but there are days when I'm not okay.
“I have nightmares, and my need to hold on tightly to my men, so no one can take them away, is out of control sometimes. The anxiety that comes with not being able to keep them safe can be stifling. All that said, I'm better than I was. Thanks to Ten. He understands on a level most people won't. He can build you up, even while it feels as if he's tearing you down, and he can love you like you've never been loved before.
“You just have to give him a chance to prove it to you, Benjamin. Can you do that? Lo amate abbastanza da accettare ciò che significa per tutti noi?”
As he swallows and seems to gather his words, I roll my sleeve back down, unable to look any longer at the only physical evidence of my nightmares.
