Page 110 of The Bro Pact
Moving in with him as friends is one thing, but asmoreis something entirely different, and I just don’t know if I’m ready for it. And I wouldn’t want to lead him on.
“I—”
“Don’t say it again,” he grits out through clenched teeth.
I’m crushing him.
I can see it in his eyes.
I’m absolutely breaking his heart.
But what else am I supposed to do?
“I’m not gay, Ren.I’m sorry.I’m just not.”
My words feel cold and partly untrue.
“And I’m not either, Ky! But that doesn’t mean that I don’t fucking love you!” His voice cracks on the last words. “Or want you. Or think about you every waking moment of the day.” Warren stares at me with panic-stricken eyes, dragging his fingers through his hair like he might rip it all out.
“Ren. Don’t,” I whimper.
This is making things so much harder.
“Don’t what? Confess my love? Tell you that I love you as a brother, a friend, and most of all, that I love you inmy bed? Well, too fucking bad, Kyle. I love it all. I loveyou.”
He’s going to break me. Rip my heart from my body and stomp on it until there’s nothing left but tattered shreds.
“I can’t . . .” I murmur.
The pain in his eyes is staggering, but it was never part of my plan to settle down with a man.
It just wasn’t.
“So what? Now that we’re back in the real world, you’re ashamed to be with me? To be with a guy? Is that it, Kyle?’Cause you sure as hell didn’t care when you were announcing to everyone in California that I’m yours.”
“I’m not gay,” I repeat on autopilot, my words hollow and dead at this point.
But Ren’s not having any of it.
He goes from heartbroken to livid in one minute, stalking my way and shoving me against the wall. “Tell me who you think about when you stroke yourself at night, Ky. Is it Marissa? Does she still get you hard? Or do you think about us together? Your cock stretching me open? ’Cause I sure as fuck do. I’ll never be the same after what we did on that RV.”
I whimper, nearly melting in his arms, but I hold strong, knowing that the only way to make this hurt less is to be even more cruel in return.
He can’t love me, he has to hate me.
I can feel my heart unzipping as it slowly splits in two while I spit hurtful words into his face. “You’re just jealous because you want what I have. You want a serious relationship because you’ve never had one. Because you can’t keep one.”
Tears fill his eyes, making them shimmer like molten silver, and it’s the exact opposite reaction I wanted. I wanted him to blow up. Yell. Slap me, even.
Not this.
Anything but this.
“Is this really what you want?” he whispers, sounding completely gutted and defeated. So unlikemyRen.
I don’t know.
I don’t fucking know.
