Page 53 of Claws for Celebration
But managing perfectly well and being happy were apparently two very different things.
The truth was, she'd been lonely for years before arriving in Hollow Oak. Successful but isolated, respected but not truly known by anyone who mattered. The carefully constructed life she'd built had been safe and predictable and utterly devoid of the kind of deep connection that made existence feel meaningful.
Three weeks with Lucien had shown her what she'd been missing. Not just romantic love, though that was certainly part of it, but the profound comfort of being completely understood by another person. The way he'd guided her through magical awakening with infinite patience, the quiet strength he'd offered during her most confused moments, the absolute faith he'd shown in her goodness even when she'd been terrified of her own power.
"But what if he decides to protect me from myself again?" she asked the empty garden. "What if the mate bond doesn't stop him from making unilateral decisions about what's best for me?"
That was the real fear, she realized. Not the magical commitment or even the responsibility of potentially saving the world. It was the vulnerability of trusting someone else with her heart and happiness after he'd already proven capable of devastating both in the name of keeping her safe.
The grimoire sensed her hesitation and pressed its advantage.
He will always see you as something fragile that needs protection rather than a force of nature that deserves worship. The mate bond will not change his fundamental nature any more than it will change yours. Accept my guidance instead,and never again suffer the pain of being abandoned by someone who claims to love you.
"Except you don't love me," Moira said, the realization cutting through the entity's psychological manipulation. "You see me as a tool to achieve your own freedom. At least Lucien's mistakes come from caring too much, not too little."
Love is a weakness that will cost you everything when true power is within your grasp. Choose wisely, daughter of shadows. This offer will not remain open indefinitely.
As the grimoire's whispers faded back to background noise, Moira found herself weighing not just the practical implications of their situation but the deeper question of what kind of person she wanted to become. Someone who chose power over connection, control over trust, safety over the vulnerability that came with genuine love?
Or someone brave enough to risk her heart on the possibility that the man who'd made one terrible decision might never make another like it, especially if she was honest about how much his abandonment had hurt?
The sound of footsteps on the garden path made her look up to see Lucien approaching with careful movements that wouldn't startle her further. His dark green eyes held uncertainty and hope in equal measure, and something in his expression suggested he was carrying his own burden of impossible choices.
"How are you holding up?" he asked, settling beside her on the bench with enough distance to respect her need for space.
"Terrified," she admitted honestly. "Of making the wrong choice, of not being strong enough to handle whatever comes next, of trusting someone who might decide to walk away again if things get too complicated."
"Moira," he said softly, her name carrying weight that spoke of regret and determination. "I need you to know that leaving you was the biggest mistake I've ever made. And if you give methe chance, I'll spend the rest of our lives proving that it's a mistake I'll never repeat."
Unsure of these emotions she wasn't sure she was brave enough to trust. "How can you promise that? How can either of us know what we'll do when the next crisis arrives?"
"We can't," he replied with brutal honesty. "But Moira, what I figured out tonight is that protecting you doesn't mean making decisions for you. It means standing beside you while you make your own choices and supporting whatever you decide, even when it scares the hell out of me."
As she studied his face in the moonlight that had witnessed their first transformation together, Moira realized that the choice facing her wasn't really about magical bonds or ancient evils or the fate of the supernatural world.
It was about whether she was brave enough to trust in love despite the risk of being hurt again, and whether that trust was strong enough to anchor them both through whatever darkness lay ahead.
31
LUCIEN
Lucien could see the internal battle playing out in Moira's expressive brown eyes, the way she was weighing his words against the memory of twenty-six hours of abandonment when she'd needed him most.
"I want to believe you," she said finally, her voice carrying the careful precision of someone who'd been hurt and was afraid of being hurt again. "But Lucien, how do I know that the next time you think I'm in danger, you won't decide what's best for me?"
He hated the question, not because it was unfair but because it was completely justified. He'd proven capable of devastating her in the name of protection. She had every right to demand assurance that he wouldn't do it again.
"Because I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone," he said, reaching for her hand with careful movements that gave her the option to pull away. When she didn't, when her fingers intertwined with his, he felt hope flicker to life in his chest. "And maybe after you hear it, you'll understand why walking away from you was the most terrified I've ever been in my life."
"Terrified of what?"
"Of not being enough." The admission felt like tearing open his chest and exposing his heart to examination. "Moira, I've been alone for fifteen years. Not just single, but truly alone in ways that most people never experience."
She shifted closer to him on the bench, her shoulder brushing his in a gesture of support that made his panther calm with contentment. "Tell me."
"Being a Council enforcer means living on the edges of community," he began, the words coming easier now that he'd started. "I'm not really part of normal supernatural society because my job requires me to police it. But I'm not human either, so I can't build relationships in the ordinary world. For fifteen years, I've existed in this strange space between communities, belonging fully to neither."
"That sounds incredibly lonely," Moira said softly.
