Page 10 of Choosing Forever
“Thanks!” she says before scurrying into the room and slipping between the desks to the only empty one.
The bell rings while she’s sliding into her seat. I glance at the open classroom door and give it a subtle roll of my eyes. Not every parent comes to meet their child’s teacher on the first day anymore, but my gut tells me that he chose not to for a reason.
And that reason is me.
***DARREN***
Fuck.
I don’t care how long we’ve been apart; there isn’t anyone who knows Delaney Brooks the way I do. Eight years change a lot about a person, but it will never be long enough to touch the things engrained in you. And the Delaney I knew hated nothing more than being late for something.
I heard the first bell ring two minutes ago, and shit, I should not still be searching for a parking spot in this crowded lot. Instead, Ishouldbe taking the opportunity handed to me and getting the hell away from this place. She’s already going to be pissed at me, and interrupting her class is only going to make matters worse.
So why am I whipping into the only open spot I can see and clunking the gearshift into Park?
The silence is startling when I get out of the car and palm the door, wishing it were colder against my hot palm. I shove it closed and start toward the school.
There’s something fundamentally wrong with me. Not just mentally, but emotionally. Because there’s no reason for me to be going inside the school. Not a single one.
Delaney hates me. Rightfully so. And Abbie doesn’t need me to hold her hand with these things anymore. The last time I tried, she shook me off to appear grown-up, only to crawl into my arms afterward and tell me she still loves me because apparently, I lookedthatbroken by it.
I can tell myself that I’m going for her and so that I can make a good impression on her teacher, but she’ll be the only one to believe that lie.
Sasha certainly won’t once she learns that Daisy’s no longer her teacher, if she doesn’t already.
Squeezing the brim of my ball cap, I walk faster across the wet pavement. I curse myself a little harder once I’ve gotten into the school and take the path I’ve had memorized since I was a student here.
Every classroom is the same, and the hallway is painted with the school colours the way they were back then, only refreshed after years of wear. You could blindfold me and I’d be able to locate each bathroom and make my way to the locker rooms.
I try to think about my time here as little as I can. Every year after I turned fifteen is splashed with the reminder of what I lost and can never get back.
With a too-familiar pang in my stomach, I head straight for Daisy’s old classroom. It was only last year that I was inside of it helping her and Bryce fix up the mess left from a bunch of shit teenagers with nothing better to do than mess with the school.
Now, I’m here for utterly selfish reasons.
The door is closed, but I can hear her voice through it. My chest grows so tight I push at it with my palm out of fear of my lungs popping. There’s nothing I can do to ignore the effects of that twinkling falsetto and the memories it dredges up like a net full of ghosts. I lean a shoulder against the wall and steal a lookdown the hallway to make sure nobody’s watching before heaving in a breath.
Leave, Darren.
But I can’t. I want to see her. Even if it only lasts long enough for her to slam the door back in my face.
It’s been so long . . . and shit. I only need a second to confirm she actually is still in town despite never seeing her anymore. Regardless of how many corners I look around or shops I wander into with no purpose other than to see if she’s there, she never is.
There was a time when that was a relief. Back when Abbie was just a baby and my marriage was so new I couldn’t handle seeing her everywhere I turned without falling into the same pit of regret that I once let suffocate me.
I rap my knuckles against the door before I can back out.
One minute. One look. One second, even. That’s it.
Yeah fucking right.
4
DELANEY
“Okay,we’re going to start with attendance, and then I’d love to get to know all of you a little bit if that’s alright?” I ask once the final bell finishes ringing.
For a group of seven- to eight-year-olds, they’re incredibly tuned in to me so far. Maybe it’s just first-day magic, or maybe I got lucky and a well-behaved class is my reward for being swapped so last minute. Either way, I’m going to take advantage of their attention for as long as they offer it to me.
