Page 40 of Choosing Forever
“Then I’ll listen.”
13
DARREN
I figuredshe’d be pissed off.
I’d have been concerned if she was at all agreeable to my nose suddenly being in her personal life. Only it’s not all that sudden. Not to me or anyone who’s had to listen to my endless whining over the years. I’ve known more about her life than I’d ever admit to, and I’m still trying to figure out if that makes me as much of a creep as I think it does.
While there were rumours of her heading onto her first date since coming back home, I was staying up all night drinking myself into a stupor while listening to Sasha ream me out for not picking up the right design of diapers that morning. When she was coming home from a week-long trip to Greece for her parents’ vow renewal ceremony, I was on my front porch, staring at the road to town searching for her headlights to pull in.
I always thought that just meant I cared enough despite everything to at least make sure she was taken care of. That it was my duty as someone who loved her in the past to keep tabs on her in the present in case anything bad happened.
It wasn’t until I spoke to her for the first time in years that I realized how pathetic it was believing those lies. I’ve never searched for her in a crowded room or stayed up too latescrolling social media for a sign of life because I was just looking out.Doing my due diligence.
I did those things because I missed her and have regretted letting her go every single day since our last goodbye.
That’s my burden to bear, though. I’m the one who made the mistakes I did, even if they led me to my daughter. Abbie is the light that I needed at the darkest point of my life, and I owe her everything for pulling me back into half the man I was before I lost Delaney.
Watching Delaney move around the old drive-in grounds with a slight scowl and an annoyance that has her boots kicking up dirt with every fierce step, it’s even harder to deny how badly I still want her.
Because I do. I want the anger she’s been shoving down and the heat from the flames she’s just itching to spit at me. Then, I want her honesty. The secrets she’s hidden in the deepest parts of her subconscious that I know are there because they’re in mine too. The truth will set us free, even if it ravages me in the process.
“You’re staring at her like a weirdo, Darren,” Poppy whispers pointedly.
Brushing up beside me, my sister flicks a look to Delaney and sighs when I don’t reply instantly.
“Why don’t you just go and try to talk to her? Isn’t that the whole point of getting her put in your group?”
I lift a finger to my mouth and make a shh noise. “Can you not expose me already?”
“As if she didn’t put that together instantly.”
“Even if she has, it hasn’t changed her desire for us to speak.”
She blinks at me, deadpan. “Did you expect differently?”
“I didn’t expect anything.”
“But you hoped.”
“Apparently, it was misplaced.”
Her fingers curl around my wrist before she tugs, forcing meto face her, unable to shy away from her demanding stare. “Be honest with me for a second here, D.”
“About what?”
“I’ve been avoiding asking you directly because I didn’t want to upset you, but you’ve lost that privilege now. What happened at Into The Shade? Because I know that day changed something for you. You went from avoiding all things related to Delaney to asking about her in ways that you think won’t give away your interest. But news flash, I’m your sister, and I know you better than anyone else does. Other than Della.”
I search the grounds for the rest of the station, not finding them close enough to have heard Poppy’s rant. Only then do I suck in a long breath and let my walls down. I rub my sternum, needing some sort of calm.
“Talking about it here won’t do anything to help. I don’t know how to go up and talk to her without apologizing so many times she tells me to shut up,” I admit.
Sympathy bleeds into her eyes. “Talk to her like you used to. Even if she doesn’t talk back. I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone I loved so young and still want them years later, but I do know what it feels like to lose someone I love and wish they would come back to me.”
“Garrison,” I say, not bothering to ask.
She nods. “Time and distance might work for some people, but it never has for me, and it never did for you and Delaney. I won’t continue to tell you that you made a mistake because you know it as well as I do. But maybe it’s time to stop letting the past hold so much power over you. Everyone makes mistakes. Messing things up with a woman you love doesn’t make you special. The way you earn back her forgiveness is what will.”
