Page 70 of Choosing Forever
“You could have, actually. I waited for you for two years to do exactly that. In case you forgot, I actually waited so long that I had convinced myself that when I came home for the final time, it would be to you still waiting for me, regardless of our breakup. You know what I found instead.”
I shut my eyes, pain ricocheting through every inch of my chest. “I should have. I know, I should have. I’ve thought about it more times than you’d believe.”
“We can’t change the past.”
“We can make up for it, though. I can. If you give me a chance to, I can.I will,” I swear, desperate.
She shakes her head softly, eyes on her lap. “Tell me what happened.”
“With . . .”
“Sasha. Tell me everything.”
I adjust the temperature in the car, dipping the A/C lower than normal. “Okay. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
“Were you with her when I was coming to visit you? Before then?” She fires the question like a bullet.
“No! Fuck, Elle. I wasn’t with anyone during that time but you. There was never anyone but you. You had a lock on every inch of my body, inside and out.”
“So when did it start? Did she play any part in why you put an end to everything? I knew things were hard, and we were obviously drifting apart, but for you to just end it like that? So completely? I think I convinced myself she was the reason for the breakup, even if the timing of Abbie didn’t really line up.”
“No, she didn’t have anything to do with my terrible decision that night,” I say, putting emphasis on every word. “Not at all. I hardly remember meeting her again after high school. She wasn’t ever around on campus when I was, or if she had been, I never saw her. Sasha was just . . . there that night.”
The ball in my throat makes it hard to breathe. I couldn’t sound more like a piece of shit. Regardless of my self-loathing, I force myself to continue, knowing she deserves to know every bit of truth.
“That last year of school was miserable for me. I didn’t eat or sleep, and I sure as shit never went back home. The only thing being back in Cherry Peak did was remind me of you. So, I stayed in Calgary and went to class, and when I wasn’t in class, I was locked in my dorm, drinking until I forgot why you weren’t there beside me and could just be without regret. Blue held party after party in that place, and I let him without complaint.”
Too curious to avoid seeing her reaction, I look across the cab. Delaney’s staring out the window, the inside of her cheek hollowed as if she’s biting down on it. My fingers shake when I tug at the collar of my shirt to try and clear my airway.
“You took everything from me, Darren,” she whispers, hurt and betrayal thick in her voice.
Oh, baby.
I choke, “I’m sorry, Delaney.”
“My hometown, my friends, your family, who I saw as an extension of mine. I was alone.”
“I never meant to take everything. I didn’t even mean to take myself. Every choice I made was a mistake. The worst ones I could have ever made that snowballed into a million more. It wasalwayssupposed to be you. I was young and stupid anddidn’t know the repercussions of what I was doing. I was beyond naïve and thought that it would all be fine in the end. We’d take that time apart for real, and once we graduated and went back home, we could pick up where we left off without all of the painful things that were happening. I thought it was easier than the constant fighting and the short phone calls or missed flights. We were meant to be together, and I assumed nothing would get in the way after we were ready for the commitment we knew was coming. I wassofucking wrong, and I learned that the hard way.”
“Youwerewrong. And it wasn’t me, Darren. You chose someone else,” she says, the words turning colder than the air blowing through the vents. “You can regret what happened and wish things were different, but they can’t ever be the way they were going to be back then. Sasha got the life I wanted with you. She got to watch you become who you are now. Without me.”
My stomach turns. Scrubbing a hand down my face, I let out a wavered exhale. “I would take it back. I’d back every single thing but my daughter. She’s the only connection I have to Sasha now, but she’s my little girl. Abbie was the only light I had in the darkest moments of my life. She put me back together when I thought I was too lost to find myself again.”
“I’d never want you to regret that little girl. She’s your daughter.”
“She is.”
“And Sasha was your wife,” she says, tripping over the last word. “You married her.”
I can hardly speak. Every word sounds hollow, unfamiliar. “It was the right thing for me to do. She was pregnant with my daughter. I grew up in a household with both parents. That’s what I wanted for her, even if it wasn’t the right thing for me.”
“Why did you sleep with her? If you were so broken up about me, why her when you could have waited for me the way you claim you wanted to.”
“I don’t know,” I mutter with a raw wince.
Delaney tucks her hair behind her ear, still avoiding looking at me. “Yes you do.”
“She was . . . there. She was just there, Delaney, and I know how pathetic that sounds. When I hit rock bottom, she was there, and the morning after, I found my true bottom hidden far beneath that one.”
