Page 53 of Choosing Forever
“Talk to me,” I murmur.
She chews on her lip, her mind running a mile a minute. “Maybe I should have just gone to school with you and saved us from all of this drama. We could have been packing to move into our first apartment together or our dorms on campus. Instead, we’re going to be in different provinces, hours away from each other at different schools.”
And single.Both of us for the first time in three years.
“Don’t go there, Elle. I’d never have let you choose a school based on me. That’s the whole point of this. You need to get away from this town. Experience life in a different place with different people. Live your life without feeling like you owe me all of your time and attention.”
“I’m sure I could learn how to do that without breaking up,” she states stubbornly.
“We’re not breaking up.”
Her eyes roll into the back of her head. The hand in mine grows warmer, slicker. “You can call a donkey an ass, but it’s still a donkey.”
I laugh and bring our hands toward my body. With them pressed against my sternum, I say, “I see your point, but it’s a bit off the mark.”
“A break is the same as breaking up. We won’t be boyfriend and girlfriend, Darren. The freedom to grow and expand my horizons comes at the cost of losing you.”
“You’re not losing me. I’ll still be here, calling and texting and bugging you every chance I have.”
“So what’s the point of taking a break, then?” she asks, frustrated.
When her fingers slip from mine and curl back in her lap, I know I’m losing her.
“The point is that I’m not taking anything from you. You told me we needed four years after high school to know marriage was the right next step. And when I put that ring on your finger, that was me promising that I’m willing and ready to give you that. Four years and you’ll know that I’m serious about making you my wife for the rest of my life. So, let me prove myself to you, even if it kills us to be apart.”
She snaps her hand back out and yanks on mine. Her strong grip betrays her fear. “The risk might not be worth it.”
“It will be, Elle. Because I know once you come back here to me, we’ll both be ready to start the rest of our lives together. What’s four years when we have decades to be together?”
I pull our hands to my lips and kiss her knuckles, keeping them there. My beautiful Delaney releases a pained breath and sniffles. Frowning, I bring my free hand to her cheek and stroke the round curve of it. A tear cascades down to pool against my finger.
“I’m just going to miss you. I don’t want to realize two years down the road that we made a mistake that we can’t ever come back from. A lot can happen in four years, Darren.”
“What’s bothering you the most? Tell me everything you’re thinking so I can help put your mind at ease.”
She blinks, her bare lashes growing wet. “What if you fall in love with someone else? I could come home to see you with a new life and no space left in it for me. That’s . . . that’s my worst fear.”
“That isn’t going to happen. It isn’t even a possibility. It’s you, Elle. It’s only ever been you,” I swear.
“And if it does? It would kill me to see you with anyone else. I’d leave Cherry Peak for the last time.”
“Then it’s a good thing it won’t. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but you. This break is going to be hard, baby. It’s going to kill us both, but I have to believe it’ll be worth it. You’ll come back knowing what else is out there so you won’t doubt us in the future. I won’t ever be the person who holds you back and risks you resenting me years down the road for it.”
“And what about you? You don’t think you’d grow to resent me if I kept you tied to me without letting you experience life as a single guy? I don’t want this to only be for my benefit, Darren.”
“I don’t want to experience being single for that reason, and neither do you. I could give a shit about being a single guy.”
“So then just tell me that it was ridiculous of me to bring this up so we can stay together instead. I don’t want to find myself without you.”
I release her and push into a sitting position. It’s easy to lift her onto my thighs, and she instantly wraps her legs around my back and her arms behind my neck.
Dropping my forehead to hers, I inhale, memorizing the smell of her perfume. “I love you, Delaney. I love you enough to let you go see what’s out there outside of this town and the woman you are with me. And when you’ve learned all there is for you to learn, I’ll be here waiting for you with my arms open as the man I’ve learned I am too. I’m going to give you the best version of myself.”
“It feels wrong,” she whispers, hiding her face in my chest.
“It’ll never feel right to be away from you.”
I miss her already, and she’s right here in my arms. There’s a reason she’s started doing her homework on the old bleachers at the football field, and it isn’t because it’s the easiest place for her to think. I’m so goddamn needy that the only time I can concentrate properly is when she’s around me, even twenty feet away on the sidelines.
