Page 145 of Choosing Forever
Over the last two years, I’ve missed him so much. More than I think any girl in their twenties is supposed to miss a man without being featured on a documentary. It was like losing a piece of my soul when we said goodbye, and what was left of it has flaked away piece by piece with every day we’ve been apart.
I can’t do this separation anymore, and I’m hoping he feels the same. As much as I’d never wish pain on someone I love, I do hope he’s been hurting just as badly as I have. I want him to have seen me in the faces of people he’s passed on the street and heard my voice in all of our favourite places. That’s what I’ve been dealing with every single day.
Not even seeing my family in the crowd at my graduation was enough to make up for the devastation of searching for him, knowing he wouldn’t be there.
Two years, he said. Two years, and everything would be okay again.
I shut the door softly behind me and take slow steps up the sidewalk. The light is on outside now that the sun’s begun to set, illuminating the porch steps that look freshly stained. I’d bet Daryl has a list a million pages long of work that Pauline’s insisted he gets done this summer. She’s always putting him to work on something, and he loves every minute of it.
My hand shakes when I ring the doorbell and gulp. I fidgetas I wait, unable to stand still as nerves feast on my insides. It feels like forever, when in reality, I hardly have a chance to run my fingers through my hair before the door is pulled open.
“Delaney,” Darren’s mother gasps, her eyes wide.
“Hi, Pauline. I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.”
“Oh, no, sweetheart. You’re not. We’re just—I’m . . . Darren’s not here!”
“Oh, he’s not? I’m sorry! I should have called first or something. When I saw his car, I just assumed he was here,” I ramble apologetically.
Pauline reaches for me when I start to retreat, her touch on my arm soft, familiar. The longing that hits in response is sharp on my tongue.
“Come back tomorrow, honey. After lunch, if you can.”
I nod, relaxing slightly at her openness with me. Even after four years away.
“Okay. Tomorrow after lunch, then. I’m staying at my grandma’s house, just in case he asks?—”
“Mom? Are you trying to hoard your bottles again? It’s not a sin to donate them every once in a while.”
I freeze, confused. This overwhelming feeling of pure dread swarms me, like a telltale sign that something bad is coming.
Pauline’s expression breaks as she looks back into the house, her nerves blaringly obvious. “No. I’ll be done in a second. There’s no reason for you to come check on me.”
“Too bad,” Darren grunts.
I’m not ready for the stab of betrayal between my ribs. His mom reaches for me again, but I step back out of reach. When Darren appears, I lose the ability to appear strong and held together.
My knees wobble as I set a hand to the exterior of the house and suck in a tight breath. Pauline moves out of the way, and Darren replaces her. His brown eyes are dull, but the pain in his expression is there . . . so strong I feel the lash of it. The lingering dread grows in intensity, smacking me in the face, warning me.
“Hey,” I whisper, unable to move.
“What are you doing here?”
I flinch at the harsh tone. “I just got back.”
“Go home, Delaney.”
“Is this because I didn’t give you a heads-up before coming? If I’m interrupting something, I can come back. I’m back home now, so?—”
He lurches toward me, blocking the entire doorway. The change in his height takes me aback. It almost surprises me more than his mess of a beard or the thinning of his muscles. Darren isn’t a beard guy. He’s a mustache or light stubble one. Concern drives me to move closer and touch his jaw, running my finger over the coarse hair.
His eyes shut, and he leans into my touch, a wavering, pained exhale escaping him. I cup his face in my palm and lean forward, needing to get closer. To feel his warmth and smell his cologne again. Only when I do, it’s . . . not the same. There’s something wrong with the way he smells. Like maybe he’s changed his cologne over the last two years. Only that’s not it.
I drop my hand and swallow past the lump of fear in my throat. There’s a stillness in the air around us, as if that fog of dread has lifted, the warning of its presence no longer needed.
Darren’s eyes flash open, and I watch in slow motion as his lips part around words I don’t want to hear.
“Let me explain.”
