The sun hung low in the sky in that magical moment when the heavens and earth collided. Over the past few months, these brief minutes sometimes felt like the only time I could really breathe.
Healing was a journey that couldn’t be rushed, especially for a little girl who lost the only parent she knew. And with my worries of whether I could be a good father or be able to fill even half of Kassy’s shoes,there was still so much to do and questions about how to do them.
But at this moment, in a town that held so many special memories for me and my family, who always had my back, I felt peace for the first time in a long time.
“Yeah, I’m glad we’re home too.”
Chapter Three
JONES
Deke made less of a fuss about the breakup than I expected. He’d agreed to move out of my cabin by the end of next week, which meant I definitely wasn’t going home until then.
Ryker and Sam were really the best and had let me stay with them in their office/guest bedroom during this time. I could have gone home to my parents or stayed with my brother and his boyfriend since his cabin was only a ten-minute walk from my own, but I wouldn’t have been able to stand their pitying looks nor their constant need to baby me.
At least with Ryker and Sam, they seemed mostly happy to just chill with me instead of insisting on talking about the ending of my only serious relationship. Hell, even the sometimes chipper tone Ryker used to speak about Deke leaving our lives was welcome.
He never liked Deke and was so sure we weren’tmeant for each other. Looking back on our relationship now, I totally deserved an ‘I told you so’ from my friend, but Ryker was way too kind for that.
They invited Dan and Clay over a few times, too, and it was nice to hang out with my friends again. I hadn’t noticed how much I really missed this, which really emphasized just how much I’d been sticking my head in the sand.
It felt like old times again. Just me and my boys, and Sam, the newest addition to our group. I liked Sam. He was a nice dude, and he and Ryker were truly good together.
It had surprised me when my best friend told me he was bi and crushing on his new roommate—who he was pretending to be fake fiancés with, but things worked out in the end. They got together and became real fiancés.
For a brief period, things felt normal and right again. Peaceful, almost. Though I knew the peace wouldn’t last.
Word was bound to get out about my breakup—perks of living the small-town life, I guess. And that meant Mama Denn and the rest of my family would soon find me and coddle me until I was stuffed, both mentally and physically.
During this time, Deke didn’t stop attempting to contact me. He tried calling, but I never picked up. When he finally got the hint, the texts started.Apologies and excuses that meant nothing in the grand scheme of things.
I didn’t block his number, but I didn’t respond either. It wasn’t until he messaged me saying he’d finished moving out and asked to meet one last time to give me the key that I finally responded and agreed.
Deke was waiting outside my cabin when I pulled up. He sat on one of the pair of rocking chairs I’d purchased when he moved in.
The front of the cabin had a perfect view of the sunset. It was one of the reasons I’d picked this piece of land. Before all of this, I’d imagined Deke and me spending evenings out there on the porch, rocking away and chatting as we enjoyed the last of the sun’s rays.
He hated being outside, which was ironic since we lived in the middle of the woods, and never once did he agree to sit outside on those chairs with me. Funny how he was sitting there now.
Deke stood when I got out of my truck. His arms were in front of him. One hand gripped the other arm as he slowly made his way toward me.
I waited in front of my truck with my arms crossed. I’d catered to him our entire relationship, so I would let him lead this time. Itwas the least he could do.
When he stopped in front of me, I could see his features better. His eyes were red-rimmed, evidence that he’d been crying. My hands fell and balled into fists at my side.
I’d spent the past year taking care of his every need,and seeing him like this made me want to comfort him. But I stopped myself. Nothing good would come out of falling back into old habits.
“Jones…” he started, but I held up a hand to cut him off.
“Let’s not drag this out any longer than we need to.”
Deke’s bottom lip trembled before he flattened it and put on a mask of coolness, much like the one he wore the night we met at the bar. It was what had attracted me to him in the first place. My gut told me being with him was safe. Maybe some part of me knew I was safe because I could never really love him deeply enough to get my heart broken…
He dug a key from his pocket and reached out his hand for me to take. We stood in place for a couple of breaths; him staring at the ground and not speaking, and me wanting to kick him off my property but manners preventing me from doing so.
Finally, Deke looked back up at me, eyes watering, but I could see he was doing his best to hold them back. “You were an amazing boyfriend, Jones. Thank you. I…I didn’t deserve you. I’m sorry for everything, and I hope you find happiness.”
My throat constricted with so much blame and accusation. How long had he been cheating on me? Why wasn’t I enough? What did I do wrong?