Page 19 of Promised Summer
It took him a second for my words to sink in, then a sweet smile appeared on his face, and he tentativelyreached for my hand that was clutching the rocking chair’s armrest. It brought me back to the first time we met.
It was the first summer I’d visited Grandma’s winery, and I’d gone to play by myself. I’d gotten lost by some river and was crying since I couldn’t find my way home, when a boy crept up beside me and reached for my hand.
I still remember how soft they were as he pulled me to play with him, then guided me back to my family. Now, Jones’ hand was rough when it landed on the back of mine. I flipped my palm up to twine our fingers together and gripped him tightly.
“Why didn’t you tell me? We could have talked through whatever worries you had and worked it out together. I wouldn’t have held it against you, even if you hated the kiss.”
I laughed. “I didn’t hate the kiss,” I replied softly.
What looked like hope rose in his eyes. “You didn’t?”
I shook my head to confirm. “I think that’s part of the reason I was so confused. I shouldn’t have liked kissing a man. It’s not the norm, you know?”
“I wouldn’t know,” he replied instantly. “I’m gay.”
“Oh, I’m—” I stopped myself before I could apologize again, but Jones’ smile told me he was fucking with me. “Afterkissing you anda lotof overthinking, I realized I’m demisexual.”
“Yeah? You just weren’t attracted to me then?” he asked, the teasing smile still on his face.
“Don’t go putting words in my mouth now,” I joked back. His hand still gripping mine gave me the courage, so I sucked in a deep breath and continued, “My dad got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer right after we returned to the city.”
“Shit.” He squeezed my hand.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “It was late stage, so everything happened way too quickly.”
His grip tightened, and I shot him a grateful look. “I’m not trying to use my dad dying as an excuse for ghosting you,” I said.
“I know,” he replied and held my hand impossibly tighter. The heat of it was soothing something inside of me. “You were going through a lot.”
“Yeah, but it’s not a lie that I ran away. From you. I was so confused, and I wanted to take my time to organize my thoughts before contacting you again. Then I learned I only had a couple of months left with my dad, and I couldn’t just call you out of nowhere to tell you that my dad was dying while leaving everything unsettled between us.”
“You could have. I would have understood,” was his reply, but he laughed when he saw the expression on my face.
“I would have felt even shittier than I do now,” I explained. “So I was going to wait until everything wasover to contact you, but I kept second-guessing myself. What was I going to say when I messaged you? How was I going to apologize? So I kept delaying it, and as time passed, I felt stupid for overthinking it in the first place. Then summer came and went, and I stayed in the city…I thought it might be better if I just stayed out of your life.”
“It wasn’t. I went by Granny Lottie’s winery every day that summer to look for you. Then again over the next summer, even though she’d already sold the place and it was unlikely you’d be there.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I really am.”
“I don’t accept your apology,” he replied firmly.
My mouth dropped to the ground. His not forgiving me had always been a possibility, but maybe because I’d taken Jones’ kindness for granted, I hadn’t mentally prepared myself for him actually rejecting my apology. What was I supposed to do now?
Jones took one more look at my expression, then laughed. Gently, he used his free hand to close my mouth, his thumb softly sweeping over my cheek along the way. My lids fluttered closed at the gentle action, and my mind raced, wondering if this was the last time he’d touch me like this. For him to not forgive me, he must hate me so much now…
“I won’t forgive you,” he repeated, probably just to jab the knife deeper into my heart. “I won’t let you think you can just apologize, then run away again.”
“That thought hadn’t even crossed my mind!” Iinsisted. He merely smiled and used his thumb to swipe the area under my eye again.
“It doesn’t matter if it had. I’m not letting you run again. Instead, you can make it up to me by staying here, by my side. Can you do that?”
A laugh choked out of me. “It’s not just me anymore. I have Karla to think about. She’ll always come first.”
He shrugged. “And I have Lily, and I think they love each other more than they do us,” he said, gesturing to where they were now napping under the shade of a tree. Karla was using Lily as a pillow, looking so adorable as they snuggled up together.
It was impossible not to smile at the sight. I refocused on Jones and said a little helplessly, “You know that’s not the same thing.”
“I know, but I’m not asking for a commitment or anything. I’ll be happy with both of you around. And if you really have to go, all I ask is that you tell me this time and don’t disappear again. You can even write a letter if you can’t do it in person, just don’t ghost me again. Please,” he said, sounding a little desperate.
