Page 79 of Lost Touch
“Stop!” I jumped up from the chair, clutching my temples, which felt like they might explode. I staggered a few steps and half fell down onto my bed, rubbing at the throbbing in my skull. Judith and Paul, and those names meantnothingto me. Did she go by Judy? Did one of them have curly blond hair? “It’s too much, all at once, I can’t—”
“Fuck, okay, I’m so sorry.” Drew’s hands landed on my shoulders, holding me up. Holding me together. “Ash, I wasn’t thinking. I was so fucking happy to have something concrete to give you. It can wait. It can all wait.”
“It can’t, though,” I choked out, leaning down to put my head between my knees. If I threw up all over the hotel room floor, Drew would have a hell of a cleaning fee to pay. “We’re going there. Today. And it’s already waited way too long.”
Drew rubbed a small, soothing circle on my back, still holding me up with the other hand on my shoulder. “We can stay here today. Relax and take it easy, take a walk on the beach. One more day doesn’t matter, baby. Not if you need some time.”
Another deep, ragged breath, and I was pretty sure I wouldn’t vomit up bile.
God, Drew. That right there—the easy kindness, the constant willingness to accommodate me. He didn’t complain, didn’t even seem to think about doing anything but going with my flow anytime I needed him to.Thatwas why I wanted to be his mate, not the incredible cock and talented mouth.
Not that those put me off the idea, or anything.
But who wouldn’t want to spend the rest of his life with someone who always put his mate first? He’d complimented me for always rolling with the punches, but that was only because they knocked me down every time and I sort of went with the momentum. Drew dodged, weaved, shrugged, and carried on. He had equilibrium, and he managed to cling to that with the tips of his fingers even when he could barely stay sane. Drew balanced me out, and he made me feel like I could keep my balance even when I was figuratively walking a tightrope in a high wind. Like he’d catch me if I did happen to fall, and kiss me better after.
Maybe he only wanted to mate with me because that would be the easiest, quickest solution to our warlock-induced problems. But I could make him happy too, couldn’t I? Anything he needed, I’d give him. I could learn to tie a bow tie and make small talk so I’d be acceptable arm candy when he had to appear with the Castellis. Learn to cook, and maybe find some way to earn a living of my own. Submit to him whenever he wanted me, and love every second of it.
Lovehim, every second.
I had to admit it in my own head, even if I couldn’t say it out loud. The warmth blooming in my chest and the longing in all the cells in my body couldn’t possibly be anything else.
He probably didn’t feel the same way. But I had to know.
“Drew?”
“Yeah?” The hand on my shoulder tightened. Not painfully, but as if he wanted to keep a grip on me in case I tried to slip away.
“Why did you ask me to let you bite me? Mate me?”
I stared down at the floor, counting the bits of lint on the carpet, too terrified of what I might see to turn and look at his face.
“Because that’d be the best thing for both of us,” he said after a lengthy pause. His tone didn’t give anything away. “It sounded like a real mate bond would make the improvements in both of us permanent.”
That hit like a punch to the gut, although…what the hell else had I been expecting? I swallowed hard, trying to push my irrational disappointment down.
“I talked to Jared and Arik this morning. I called Jared’s number from the hotel phone.”
“And?” Had his body gone even more tense?
“Arik says mating would fix us both. You’re right. It would. But he also said that’s a shitty reason to do it, and I agree with him.”
“I’m not surprised you agree with him, since you already turned me down.”
I had to look at him then, because hurt had bled through into his voice, and I couldn’t stand it. His hand fell away from my shoulder, but he left the other on my back, grounding me. His eyes filled my vision, dark and deep.
“I didn’t want to turn you down. I wanted you. I always want you. But I don’t want to be something you regret. What if you meet someone you really like? What if I can’t—I’m not a werewolf, I’m not anything special. Except for the magic, and that’s not much anyway, and you don’t like it to start with. I mean, I can do my best to be what you want, but—”
“You don’t get it! Ash, I like the magic if it’s a part of you. I like everything about you. Justyou, not what you can do for me or be for me. But I’m glad you turned me down.”
I gaped at him, mouth and eyes wide open—surely not an attractive look. But I couldn’t help it. “You’reglad?”
My shock and hurt echoed in those two words, and Drew winced.
But he also let go of me, stood up, and stepped away. Distancing himself from me. Those couple of feet felt like a deep, rocky crevasse yawning in front of me: too far to cross, and deadly if I tried. And it hurt as much as if I’d already fallen in.
“Yeah,” he said roughly, running his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I am. Because we have no idea what you left behind when you were kidnapped. You could be totally straight—”
“Oh, come on!” I cried. “Seriously? We saw a photo of me with someone who was probably my boyfriend, and even if I was straight before, who cares? I’m obviously not now!”
