Page 8 of Lost Touch

Would he, though? Even if I could stand up, which seemed a little doubtful. I’d been cold, so cold, for so long. And he was so warm. Was I being selfish? Wanting to touch him for my own benefit, take even more than what he’d already given me?

Maybe. But I ached to give him something back. Something to ease that tension. God. He hadn’t done anything wrong; quite the contrary. I’d be dead a few times over without him.

But I couldn’t make my trembling legs push me up and out of my chair.

“I’m sorry,” I said again, wishing he’d turn around and let me see those eyes. Look at me, which was stupid given how miserable and humiliated I’d felt having him look at me a few minutes before. I stared at his back, willing him to turn, to come to me. “Drew, you didn’t freak me out. I freaked myself out. I’m so—I’m such a mess. And you haven’t done anything but be kind to—”

He spun around so fast it startled me into silence, and the look on his face had me cringing into the chair, panting and wide-eyed. Drew’s lips drawn back in a snarl and his eyes flashing transformed him into the predator he’d told me he was, the kind that humans might be smart to avoid after all.

“I haven’t told you everything,” he growled. The hand around the spoon tightened until his knuckles went white, and I heard the handle crack. He flung the pieces into the sink with a loud clatter that made me jump. “I haven’t been—fuck, I haven’t been honest with you. I was trying to wait until you’d eaten something and gotten some strength back, but I can’t. It’s fucking eating me alive knowing I’m lying to you.”

Lying to me. My heart pounded away, blurring my vision, making him waver into an intimidating silhouette looming over me.

Maybe in my past life I’d have been angry instead of scared and sick. Of course, in my past life I might have had somewhere, anywhere else to go—anyone else to turn to. But the fact was, no matter what he’d done to me or meant to do…it was still better than what he’d saved me from. And worth the safety of his house and his protection.

“Tell me, then.” That came out hoarse and scratchy, and I cleared my throat. “Whatever it is, just say it.” And then I could figure out how to live with it, lacking any other choices.

A long, heavy silence fell. Drew stood up straighter, squaring his shoulders, his fists clenched at his sides.

“Did you notice the scar on your neck? When you were taking your shower?”

My hand flew up, fingers finding the raised edges of it. Oh, God. He was a werewolf. What if…

Mating meant more than a bite, I knew that much. He would’ve had to…I didn’t feel like I’d been raped. I didn’t remember him touching me like that. I didn’t remember anything!

“You can’t have,” I choked out. My belly clenched, horror crawling all over my skin and making me tingle, something I was apparently still allowed to feel—lucky me. “You can’t. Yousavedme.” And then it hit me, what that could mean. If I’d misjudged him completely. If I’d been betrayed by the one person I trusted… “Oh, God. You saved me so you could—you—while I wasn’t conscious, you—”

I tried to stagger up, out of the chair, away from him, instinct taking over and drowning out even the despair that would’ve led me to stay with him no matter what, accept anything rather than being alone in the world and totally helpless.

And my legs buckled. With a cry, I fell over, Drew lunging and catching me before I could hit the ground. His arms still felt like a bulwark between me and the world—but I shouldn’t think that, so I fought him anyway, shoving and thrashing until he brought me down on the kitchen floor gently. He let me go so I could scuttle away from him, back to the wall. He crouched there a couple of feet from me, hands out at his sides. Not touching.

Those dark eyes glowed with werewolf magic and with something like panic.

“I didn’t, Ash, listen to me, I didn’t do that,” he said desperately. “I bit you. Not a mating bite. I only bit, and that’s fucking wrong enough, I hurt you and left a mark. But I didn’t claim you. I didn’t—I swear to all the gods that exist, I didn’t do what you’re thinking.”

I believed him. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t doubt his sincerity—not when he looked at me like that. Relief left me nearly as weak as my terror had, and screw this emotional whiplash, anyway. Didn’t I deserve a little boredom?

“Then why did you mark me? Why—scar me while I was unconscious, and—that’s not as bad. Not nearly as bad.”

I sounded like I was trying to convince myself as much as reassure him. Both were probably unhealthy impulses, under the circumstances.

Drew swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

“I have a really, really old-school family. Pack. Both. I don’t know if I can explain it well to someone who’s never lived it. My uncle’s the pack leader. He’s—Ash, I can’t tell you everything right now, it’s too complicated. But he doesn’t like humans, he wanted to cover up what had happened to me because he was afraid it’d make the pack look weak that one of his alpha heirs had gotten kidnapped. You needed help, I was hundreds of miles from home with no money except a few bucks I found in the center console of the car I took when we left that fucking hellhole. So I had no choice but to call them. And I knew they’d come to the rescue, but I also knew they’d want to toss you aside like so much garbage, because you were no one to them and you were a witness to what had happened. And I’d have been outnumbered. I wouldn’t have been able to win that fight. So I bit you. Left a mark. Told them I’d mated you. They’re fucking pissed, like you have no idea, but a mate bond is sacred to them. Even if you’re human. Even if they’re pissed.”

He stopped, reaching out a hand to me. Pleading with me without words.

And then he used words too, and my resistance melted away with every one of them. “Please,” he said quietly. “Please, let me help you up, get you some food. Please don’t be afraid of me. You have a scar because of me. I fucking hate myself for it, and I wouldn’t blame you for hating me either. But I was doing my best to protect you.”

“You did protect me.” No matter what had happened after, he’d carried me out of my cell and saved my life. On the other hand… “You said earlier that your family would look out for us and that I was safe here. And it sounds like you were trying to make me feel better instead of telling me the truth. You lied about more than just leaving out the part where you bit me, Drew.”

“You’re safe now,” he said, with absolute certainty. “As my mate, you’re safe. Any one of them would fight to the death for you now that you’re part of the pack. Or now that they think you’re part of the pack. But you can’t let on that it’s fake, Ash. You have to promise me you’ll keep up the pretense. I told them we’d mated a few months ago and we were kidnapped together, so the fact that the shaman couldn’t sense a mate bond between us got put down to your…energy flow thing. The only way they can find out is if one of us fucks up and tells them.”

Oh, no. That meant…

“I’m going to have to meet your pack?” It came out a pathetic squeak of dismay.

Drew’s shoulders slumped and he let out a long, long breath, as if he’d been in desperate suspense about my response to everything he’d told me.

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