Page 23 of Lost Touch

That was what Drew had been doing during that chunk of time between getting ready for bed and actually coming to bed? I’d assumed he went in there to change clothes or something, but now…

The thought of Drew silently getting himself off in the room across the hall made my stomach twist. Leaned up against the wall, maybe, or lying down on the bed with his long legs sprawled out and his massive cock jutting obscenely out of his gym shorts, where he’d pulled them down over his hips.

Drew had big hands, too, though. Big enough to handle it. I let go of my coffee mug and appraised my own. Not small, but not huge, either. I flexed my fingers. Definitely smaller than Drew’s hand. His cock might take two.

And oh, God, where the hell hadthatthought come from?

“Ash?” Drew asked tentatively. “Are you so disgusted you can’t even stand the sight of me?”

Thank goodness those assholes hadn’t thought to try to make him telepathic, too, because if Drew only knew what had been going on in my head…I could feel myself blushing furiously, but I forced myself to look up, to try for something like chill.

So he’d been masturbating. People did that. So I couldn’t think about it without it turning into porn, even though I didn’t have any use for porn at the moment. He didn’t have to know that. He wouldn’t even suspect, right?

When I finally met his gaze, he didn’t look suspicious. He looked scared, like he really thought I’d run screaming again.

I cleared my throat.

“It’s not disgusting.” My voice still came out too high and scratchy. I cleared my throat again and went for a swig of coffee, managing to drip some down my chin. I wanted to sink through the floor and die. “It’s a normal—I mean, not normal, since that’s not your usual—uh. It’s something everyone does. I’m not disgusted. I’m worried about you.” Part of trust was being honest, right? I forced myself to add, “I’m worried about me.”

Because I was, even if I’d been distracted for a minute with my bizarre speculation about how many hands it’d take to handle Drew’s generous endowment.

Drew’s eyes darkened with something I couldn’t define. “I wish you didn’t have to be,” he said, very low. “But I can’t guarantee—I didn’t think I’d lose it like that. But I did. And it could happen again. You’re—” He stopped abruptly, picked up his coffee, and drank half of it in one go.

“I’m the only other person around. I know you can’t help focusing on me.”

Drew choked, coffee spattering the table, and set his dripping mug down with a thud. At least now I wouldn’t be the only one with coffee-stained clothes.

“What?” he gasped. “You—oh, Christ, Ash.” He shook his head. “You don’t get it.”

“Then tell me! Drew, you can’t keep saying things like that when you haven’t given me any information!” Horrifyingly, I found myself on the verge of tears, my frustration and fear and anger all welling up into a physical reaction I couldn’t control.

Which maybe ought to give me a little more empathy for Drew, now that I thought about it. What would it be like to be at the mercy of overwhelming instincts and emotions andalsobe capable of doing so much damage when you gave in? If I went all nuts, I wouldn’t be half the threat Drew would be. The knowledge of what he could do to me if he slipped had to be crushing him as much as it freaked me out. He wanted to protect me.

But I kept my chin up and glared him down. He might want to protect me, and he might be a in shitty spot, but he still had to communicate!

He stared back at me.

The silence held.

Finally, he said, “Remember when I told you I felt like you were mine? Because I rescued you, and marked you, and brought you home?”

Yeah, that wasn’t the kind of thing you forgot—although I supposed he could be forgiven for asking, in my specific case. Thank God my ability to form new memories hadn’t been affected. That would’ve truly been hell, and I spared a moment to shiver at the thought.

“I remember.”

“Okay,” he said grimly. “Well, it wouldn’t matter how many people were here, or even if you weren’t here at all. I think I’d still be focused on you.”

Another shiver went down my spine, and it wasn’t totally unpleasant. As far as I knew, I was alone in the world. And I doubted I’d had many friends like Drew—handsome, smart, kind, not to mention an alpha werewolf—before all of this. So having Drew’s intense and single-minded focus…well, so sue me for not hating that idea as much as maybe I should have.

But it was all hormones, instinct, magical fuckery.

And remembering that brought me right back down to reality.

“We’ll figure it out,” I said lamely. “For now—maybe if we’re both more conscious of it, you can control it better?”

“Yeah, let’s hope. I’ll do my best. Maybe I should get you a gun or something. Just in case.”

“No!” The word burst out of me with so much force it made us both jump. God, no! Agun? To use onDrew? I swallowed down the bile that rose up, incredibly grateful that I couldn’t taste it or feel what was probably a horrid burning in the back of my throat. Drew, bleeding out at my hand… “No,” I repeated. “I wouldn’t be able to use it on you anyway. So there’s no point at all.”

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