Page 43 of A Totally Platonic Thing
I wanted to snuggle down with him and go to sleep.
My cock wanted to fuck him.
The first made sense to me. I never slept as well as when Chris crashed out with me, and the other night when he’d ended up sprawled across my chest had been the most peaceful night I’d had in months. Did that make him a surrogate girlfriend already? No. That made him Chris.
But the second thing…my cock had to get a grip. I’d never seen Chris that way. I wasn’t going to use him like that. I’d never forget the look on his face when he came home that morning after that closeted, cheating douchebag kicked him out of the house. No way would I do that to him. I’d kill anyone else who did that to him.
I’d come really close to going over there and beating the shit out of the guy who did it to him in the first place.
The bathroom door opened. Chris hesitated for a second standing next to my bed. I clenched my hands into fists at my sides to keep from lifting up the covers to let him in, squeezing my eyes shut so he’d think I was trying to go to sleep.
He let out a soft little sigh and crossed the room to his own bed.
I was conscious of every little rustle, every breath, every twitch.
Finally he went still, and I stared up at the ceiling.
I would not use Chris. I would not hurt him. I would not make him feel like something disposable.
That meant not fucking him, no matter how much my body had started to think it was a good idea.
Hormones? Pheromones? Some kind of reaction to all the spanking? I didn’t know.
But it wasn’t going to happen.
Chapter Ten
Lucas
I kept telling myself it wasn’t going to happen for three days.
My body kept not listening.
Chris stayed under his blankets with only his hair peeking out while I got up and left for school on Tuesday morning. The urge to touch him hit me like a punch to the gut, and I fled for the bathroom, jerked off furiously in the shower, and then got out of the apartment as quickly as possible.
Tuesday night I didn’t come home from the lab until late, and I crashed out the second I did, ignoring Chris’s sad eyes and subdued attitude.
Well, not ignoring. Not ignoring at all. Pretending to ignore. Denying. Telling myself it didn’t matter, and that it was all for the best.
Wednesday went mostly the same, except that I jerked off in the shower before I left and also in the shower when I got home, hoping it’d keep my stupid libido in control enough that seeing Chris sitting cross-legged on his bed, in his tight little boxer-briefs (bright turquoise this time) and his low-necked undershirt, wouldn’t make my mouth water and my cock go stiff to the point of pain.
Spoiler alert: I went to bed hard.
Chris didn’t go to bed right away, either, sitting there in bed with his laptop propped behind his bent knees. He didn’t have headphones on. He didn’t seem to be typing. And his face looked flushed, his chest rising and falling more quickly than usual.
The little bastard was watching porn.
Withoutme.
I gritted my teeth and tried to close my eyes.
Jesus Christ, I was trying to do the right thing here. Whatever kinky bullshit I’d indulged in, that didn’t mean anything. Chris had been caught up in the moment, but he’d made it clear over the years that I wasn’t really his type, physically or in any other way. Not that he talked shit about me, obviously, but the guys he commented on were always so different from me. The guys he slept with were so different from me.
And aside from that, what he’d said last week…Jesus, that rankled. That he had more options than a roommate he wasn’t even attracted to, and that he’d told me so to my face.
So eliminating honest-to-God attraction from the possibilities, he’d been carried away by the circumstances as much as I had. He might be some kind of surrogate for me, but that could cut both ways. Maybe he wanted a guy to spank him and come on him, and I was simply the best he could do right then and there. He might not think I’d taken advantage of him, but…I felt like I had. If I went over there and tossed his laptop aside, flipped him over and rubbed one out all over his pretty ass, I’d be taking even more advantage of him.
Even if he enjoyed it.
