Page 15 of Undercover
But basically, he meant that he wanted to fuck me. Or that hypothetically, since he wasn’t actually planning on fucking me tonight, apparently, someone else might want to fuck me. My value, in a nutshell. Hadn’t I just given myself theyou deserve betterpep talk fifteen minutes before? It didn’t look like Alec thought I did.
“Thanks,” I managed, through a dry, tightened throat. My eyes prickled a little, and a throb had started in my temples. “I appreciate that.”
Alec stared at me for a long moment, his frown deepening. “Let’s get out of here,” he said at last, and pulled out his wallet.
I started to protest automatically. “I can get—”
“Nope, I invited, I pay,” he said in a tone that left no room for discussion. He pulled out some cash and dropped it on the table next to his glass, raising a hand to attract the server’s attention at the same time. I mentally tallied his beers and my wine. At least Alec was a generous tipper.Andhe paid for dates. I wondered how he could afford it, but I pushed that thought away. Because how long had it been since that happened to me? “Come on.”
He rose and grabbed his jacket, and I followed him awkwardly to the door.
Which he held open for me. And not in thatAren’t I a gentleman, I expect you to put outasshole nice-guy way, but naturally, like he really did just open doors for everyone habitually.
And then he put his hand on my lower back as I walked through the door. A fleeting touch, more of a brush. But my shirt had ridden up, leaving a tiny strip of skin for his fingers to heat with his. Enough to send sparks up my spine and leave me incredibly conscious of that little bit of skin his fingers had grazed for a millisecond.
We ended up standing there outside V and V, against the wall where we could be out of the way of the little groups of people strolling through the marketplace laughing and chatting and holding hands, and generally looking like they were on much more successful dates.
Awkward. I tried shoving my hands in my pockets. My tight jeans defeated me.
More awkward.
I managed to look up at last, only to find Alec frowning out across the marketplace, his thick dark brows drawn together.
Apparently I wasn’t gorgeous enough to hold his attention, let alone possessing any other qualities that might catch his interest.
“Why did you even invite me out tonight?” The words flopped out of my mouth before I could bite my tongue, and Alec snapped back to me, staring me down with the same frowning intensity he’d been devoting to the evening crowd. I swallowed hard, but hell, I’d gotten this far. In for a penny, and everything. “You don’t even want to fuck me.”
Somehow, in the evening air, with a fresh breeze flowing by and the pretty lights strung along the edges of the marketplace and no background music, the wordfucktook on a heavy, ugly, inappropriate twist. But he’d used it first.
I lifted my chin and did my best to stare him down in my turn.
Alec’s eyes went dark, and he leaned in, like he couldn’t help it. Another one of those shivers went down my spine. He looked dangerous again, all of a sudden. Predatory.
“I said I wasn’t going to,” he said, almost in a growl. Like a predator who’d gotten his hackles up. I forced myself not to fall back a step. The last thing I needed was to let him pin me against a wall—again. My cock disagreed, but screw that guy. His judgment sucked. Alec added, even lower, “I didn’t say I didn’t want to.”
“Oh,” I choked out. “That’s…oh.”
Confusing. And so arousing I nearly couldn’t breathe through it. Looking at me like that, he could’ve had me up against the wall after all. I wouldn’t have even protested.
“Yeah,” Alec said. He pulled back, and it looked like it took effort. “You should let me walk you home. Just to your door,” he added hastily. “No further.”
“Why?” I swallowed hard, and my hands felt awkward again. They really wanted to reach for him, stupid little bastards. Obviously they were in league with my even-stupider dick. “I mean, if you want to. Want to.” I couldn’t finish that sentence, even on the second try.
Alec fixed me with a long, level gaze, the kind that felt like an X-ray showing all my insecurities right down to the bone. “I think you ought to get some say in that, don’t you?”
I rocked back, absorbing the blow of that—because God, I’d been doing it again. Just assuming that any guy who wanted me kind of had the right to me, because what else did I have to offer anyone? And Alec agreed I didn’t have much else to give. Right? Hadn’t he as good as said so? Except that maybe he…didn’t.
And this didn’t feel like it had in the bar, when he’d offhandedly acknowledged that maybe I got to decide who fucked me. This felt like an apology for that, like he knew how he’d come across and wanted me to understand what he’d really meant.
An actual apology might’ve been nice, but I could live without one. Or was I just selling myself short again?
“Come on,” he said, interrupting my spiral. “It’s a nice night. We can walk through the park.”
I laughed a little at his raised, sardonic eyebrow. That looked like a challenge to me, and I always rose to a challenge.
Fuck it. I could overanalyze later at my leisure.
“Be careful,” I managed. “I hear some seedy guys hang out there.”
