Page 5 of Hold Me Closer
"The position is for the upcoming season," he whispers, swallowing hard.
"No."
"I'll be graduating this year, butterfly."
"No," I say again, shaking my head as tears spring to my eyes. "No, Teo. You promised. Together, remember?" That was always the plan. He'd play football while I studied music. One day, he'dplay professionally, and I'd sing or write. I never really cared which, so long as I had him and music.
"Butterfly, listen to me."
"You…you kissed me!" I cry, pulling out of his arms. "Why would you do that if you're just leaving me?"
"Baby, I'm not leaving you."
"Yes, you are! You're going to college without me." A tear slips down my cheek. "I stayed behind for you, and you're going without me."
"I'm going for you, Nadia," he says, reaching for me.
But I don't want him to touch me. If he does, I'll cry. I'll break. I already feel like I'm breaking. He kissed me, told me he loved me…and why? For what? Just so he could break my heart?
I already turned down my chance to go to college next year. I didn't even have to think about it. Since he couldn't get onto a team, I gave up my chance to graduate early and took a music class I wanted instead of the final science class I needed. Leaving him behind wasn't even an option when the dream was always the two of us together.
I guess I wasn't a consideration in his future like he's always been in mine because it was so easy for him to make a different decision. He took the science class. He has all the necessary credits. There's nothing keeping him here. Apparently, not even me.
I was willing to wait for him.
Why couldn't he wait one year for me, too?
Maybe that's the point. Maybe he didn't want to wait because it was never college with me that he dreamed about the way I did. It was playing football in college. And now…he's got his dream. He doesn't need to wait for me. I thought our dream was the same, but I guess I was wrong about that.
"You'll be there for an entire year without me, Teo. That isn't for me. It's for you," I whisper, my heart in tiny pieces at my feet."If you didn't want to go to college with me, you could have told me before I decided to stay behind."
"That's why I'm going!" he growls. "You shouldn't have stayed! I didn't want that."
I flinch, rocking back on my heels. "W-what?"
"Shit." He grips his hair by the roots, tugging like he does when he's anxious or frustrated. "That didn't come out right."
"I think it did," I whisper. He…didn't want me here with him?
"I…fuck." He exhales a breath. "You put your whole life on hold for me, butterfly. I never wanted that. As soon as you had the chance, you should have been off chasing your dreams instead of waiting around for me."
"What are you saying, Teo?"
"I'm saying…I guess I'm saying I don't agree with the choice you made," he admits. "You should be leaving for college this year, not wasting your time. You're too fucking talented to keep holding yourself back for me."
I don't believe him. He's trying to make this out to be some noble sacrifice like he's doing it for my own good, but it's bullshit. He just doesn't want to admit that he picked football over me.
"So you just decided to leave me instead, right?" I ask, sarcasm heavy in my tone. "I did something you don't agree with, so you're running off to make sure poor little Nadia makes better choices in the future."
"No, dammit! That's not what this is!"
"Really? So you aren't doing thisfor me?"
"Fuck," he snarls, his jaw pulsing.
"That's what I thought," I say. "You're mad at me because I made the decision I thought was best for me, but it turns out, you're the only one who gets to decide what's best for me, right?"
"Staying behind wasn't best for you, Nadia. You know it wasn't. You're too damn talented to keep wasting your time here.I'd rather not have you in my life at all than have you wasting yours!"
