Page 42 of Hold Me Closer
"Are you sure thisis a good idea?" Nadia eyes me, suspicion clouding her hazel eyes as we drive toward her place. "As soon as they see your SUV parked out front, they're going to lose their minds."
I cut my eyes in her direction, grinning. "Let them, butterfly."
"Easy for you to say. Your manager doesn't think I'm the devil."
My smile grows. "The devil, huh?"
"Close enough."
I laugh quietly, reaching for her hand. "I'm a changing man, baby. I promised my publicist to be on my best behavior so I don't fuck up your reputation. No more bar fights. No more fighting during games." I pause. "I even agreed to consider alcohol education and partnering with a charity for an image overhaul."
Nadia blinks wide eyes at me. "Alcohol education?"
"I'm not an alcoholic," I murmur, pulling to a stop at a traffic light beside a blacked-out limo. "But half the goddamn world thinks I'm drunk when I get in bar fights. The league wants me in alcohol education to prove my commitment to self-improvement. Or some shit like that."
I still think it's bullshit, and I don't particularly want to do it. Is football really worth all this? I'm not sure it ever has been, honestly. That's the thought I keep coming back to. Once upon a time, I loved the game. I loved being on the field. But is that even true anymore?
I'm not sure it is. I'm not sure it has been in a long fucking time.
"You aren't drunk when you fight?" Nadia asks.
"Nope."
"Can I ask…?"
"They all deserved it," I say, already knowing where her mind is at. "I know everyone thinks I'm an out-of-control asshole, but…the fights I've been in have been justified. I didn't get off without charges because I play football. I got off because the alleged victims were trying to slip shit into drinks, pawingwomen who didn't want to be touched, or causing problems. I handled the problem."
Nadia eyes me for a long, silent moment and then laughs quietly. "God, Teo. You're exactly the same in every way that counts, you know that?"
"What does that mean?" I ask, hitting the gas when the light changes.
"You were the same way when we were kids. You were a protector. You protected me. You protected Zoya and your sisters. You protected everyone around you." A smile dances at her lips. "I always loved that about you."
"I always worried I protected you too much," I admit.
"How so?"
"You liked to hide in the background when you should have been the star, butterfly. All eyes should have been on you, but you hid behind me." I take a left turn onto her road. "It worried the fuck out of me."
"I hated being the center of attention back then."
"Your song says you hid in my shadow, feeling small, baby."
"That's not what it meant," she whispers. "The song is about you leaving. I felt like I was left standing in your shadow, invisible because all you could see was the game."
I swallow hard, hating that I ever made her feel that way. Christ, if I could do it all over…
"I don't feel that way anymore, Teo. I understand now that you weren't choosing football over me. It felt that way at the time, but…I get it now." She gives me a tiny smile. "And I'm proud of you."
Fucking hell. She's killing me. All I ever wanted was to make her proud. I'm not sure I'm worthy of it, but it feels good as hell to hear her say it anyway. And it feels even better to know she means that shit.
I clear my throat roughly.
We ride in silence for a minute before curiosity gets the better of me. "What made you finally decide to really give music a chance, butterfly?"
"Zoya and my dad," she whispers.
I glance over at her.
