Page 46 of Five Alarm Love
Memories of playing house in the schoolyard and their friendship and their dreams and her test results raced through her brain one right after the other.She heaved in lungfuls of air but still felt like she was suffocating.Could she do this to him?Lou knew his desire to have a family.He’d made it clear from day one that all he ever wanted was to have kids and a family.Going down this path with her would only cause him pain.
She swallowed against a dry lump.This was going to hurt.
She couldn’t do it.“Tuli, don’t take this the wrong way,” she began.
He whistled low.“If you’re about to blow me off, then there isn’t a right way to take this.”
It took her a minute to come up with the words.“For a lot of reasons, I… can’t… right now.”Ever.Not with Tuli.
“Can you tell me why?”A reasonable question from her best friend in the whole world.
“I… this isn’t right.Us.Together.Now.We can’t.”
Tuli’s expression shifted from brow-raised hope to something akin to a dog that had been kicked.
Lou felt like she had been kicked as well.“I can’t go into the reasons.It’s nothing you’ve done.I’m so sorry.”The shaking in her limbs worsened.“I know you don’t understand.”How was she doing this to Tuli?
Because she had cared more for him than for herself.
For the first time in forever, his features drew into a mad scowl.“Yeah, I do understand.You’ve made it clear.”
He turned on his heel.
The door closed.
Lou stared at the bright flowers that quivered in her hands.
*
Several hours later,when the shift ended, Lou was exhausted from fending off Hilda’s well-meaning questions.The paramedic had caught the tail end of Tuli’s visit and drawn all sorts of conclusions.
Lou walked home to her apartment, situated over the town furniture store.Normally, she loved her walks to and from work when the weather was good.
Today, she only wanted to be home.Not exposed.Locked behind a door, curled up on the couch.Away from people who knew her and smiled and waved when she walked past.Away from the people who wanted to chat abouthow are you doing, how’s your family, anything new in your love life, why are you carrying flowers?
Trudging up the metal stairs, she entered her neat one-bedroom apartment, greeted by her white cat, Frost, who meowed in protest that she had left him at home once again.After the obligatory pat on his head, she unlaced and removed her work boots, laid the bouquet on the coffee table, then collapsed on the loveseat with a deep sigh.Frost jumped up and positioned his fuzzy frame on her lap so he could receive maximum pats.She smiled as his efforts to be standoffish were overridden by his need for scratches behind his white ears.
White fur appeared on her navy uniform top.
Her cat’s low purring was the only sound in the apartment, and Lou took another breath in and slowly let it out.
The past several days—no, weeks—had been exhausting.
She glanced over at the flowers.
Rolling her lips, she sensed the ghost of Tuli’s mouth on hers from the festival.Liquid heat spread through her veins.
What if?
No.She wouldn’t dictate someone else’s future.Bad enough that hers had been altered.
Why couldn’t she let him know the truth and then he could make his own decision?
Lou sniffed.Because she knew Tuli.Knew that he would give up his dream.Sacrifice for a friend, because that was what Tuli did.Choosing her would hurt him.
She hugged Frost another time until he purred and made biscuits on her tummy.
Her phone dinged, too loud in the quiet living room.Lou jostled Frost, triggering an indignant meow, as she fished in her cargo pants pocket and opened the message.
