Page 9 of Five Alarm Love
She took a deep breath and read it again.
A balanced gene translocation.She concentrated on the words that kept blurring in front of her.Gordy had one normal chromosome 14 and an extra copy of the SCL8A7 gene on the other chromosome 14.That net extra genetic material caused the syndrome.
Lou didn’t have net extra genetic material because it was missing in the other chromosome.Mother Nature’s dumb luck or by design?Who knew?
Balanced translocation.Nothing about Lou felt balanced right now as the ground under her feet tilted.
All of a sudden, her future crystallized like water hitting a freezing pane of glass.
Lou pressed a hand to her mouth.Even though Gordy was four years older than Lou, many of her earliest memories were of him and his care.Gordy having seizures.Recovering from surgeries on various joints.How many times had she gone with Mom or Dad when Gordy needed to be rushed to the ER?Visiting him in the hospital.The whole family traveling to Fairbanks for neurologist appointments.Bottles of medications lined up on the kitchen counter with paper charts of when to give each drug.Physical therapy sessions.
She remembered how they cheered when he finally reached his delayed milestones.That time he walked all the way up their gravel driveway after getting off the small school bus when she was four years old and he was eight.His big, beautiful smile.His big, beautiful laugh.
They shared silence together, sitting in front of the living room fireplace, watchingSesame Street.Not talking, because he couldn’t.They simply existed in the same space.
Yet Gordy had been a litmus test for her friends and relationships.
Not everyone passed the test.
Then there was Tuli.Always Tuli.From the time they were in kindergarten together, he’d included Gordy.Even when it was obvious that Tuli didn’t understand what was wrong with Gordy, he’d just accepted her brother and showed everyone around them how to accept him.
Tuli.An invisible fist tightened inside of her as more memories buffeted her like wind-driven ice.
Tuli and Lou playing firefighter.Playing house.Talking about her dream of being a mom and his dream of being a dad.Joking about how they could be parents together.
Her chest ached like it was being crushed by a glacier.When she swallowed, dry silt choked her.
Truth be told, she had been waiting to see if he remembered their childhood promises.
It didn’t matter now.
This one email took her up a different tributary on the river of her life.It took her away from hope and onto a different path.
What if…
What if she had a child?What if she took the chance?
Lou loved her brother.But his life had been difficult and had become more so as his condition progressed.The medical challenges continued to grow for him.He wasn’t going to get better.
She loved him, but she couldn’t knowingly bring another Gordy into this world.
Of course, there were other options for being a parent, like adoption or egg donation.But that wasn’t what she had envisioned for herself.A partner might not want that, either.
Her dreams had crumbled to ash in her email inbox.
Swiping the pads of her fingers to dry her eyes, she took a few big breaths and did a full body shake to try to dislodge the grief.How would she go through the rest of her day acting like nothing was wrong?Her stomach knotted.Oh God, she had to watch her friends get married.Deirdre and Calvin would likely be followed by Mav and Lee.There were discussions about starting families.She had to be happy for them, knowing that would never be her future.
Later.She’d deal with all of this later.Unpackage the whole mess later.
After pacing between the fishing nets and the hunting vests, she took several more deep gulps of air and got a grip on herself.Lou had to help people today.She had a job to do.She would focus on that concrete task.
Maybe this was the kick in the pants she needed to start work on attaining her paramedic license.If she couldn’t heal herself, at least she could learn to better heal other people.
No relationship plan B.
Time to move forward with her career.Lou nodded to herself.
Life decision made.
