Page 37 of Paging Dr. Breakup
“The other thing. It’s still hanging over us.”
“What thing?” Her eyes narrowed. Deep down, she knew.
He sure as hell knew. Even if he’d never spoken about it. “I can’t ever compare to him, Deirdre.”
She stopped moving completely. “No one is comparing you to Elijah.”
“I was the second choice. On some level, we both know it.”
“Calvin…” Her voice broke. “I don’t know what to say to that. It’s complicated. Elijah was a special person to both of us. But I never said you were second choice.”
“You made a choice, didn’t you?”
“Because you left.”
Silence stretched between them. The faint sound of a truck engine going through town faded away. Had he missed his chance because of his fear of failure?
“It was obvious that Elijah and you were meant to be together,” he said.
“What are you saying?” Her blue eyes went wide, her hand pressed to her neck.
“Was I wrong?”
“Damn it, Calvin.” A sob broke free, and she clapped her hand over her mouth.
He wanted to kick himself for ruining their evening. He could still feel the heated imprint of her lips against his.
“This is too much to process. I can’t.” She half-gasped. “I can’t have this conversation right now. Please.”
“Sure, Deirdre. I get it.”
“No, you don’t. At some point, we need to discuss all of this. Our history.” She leaned her head back against the wall and grimaced. “I am not in the right headspace to try to evaluate what I’m thinking and feeling right now.”
“You don’t have to evaluate anything. I am leaving.”
“Like you did years ago?”
“It was the right thing to do then, and it’s the right thing now.”
Chapter Fourteen
The next morning,Deirdre was up—but not at ’em by any stretch of the imagination. She sipped on her morning coffee and settled into her office chair, not even remotely enthusiastic about a day of hospital meetings and policy development.
Concentrating would be a challenge. Same with staying awake. She had tossed and turned all night, with so many truths she had kept hidden for years, even from herself, tumbling through her brain.
She couldn’t betray Elijah’s memory. He had been a good partner, even if their early love had quickly mellowed to affection and friendship.
And yet…
With a soft sob, she pressed a hand to her chest, remembering the end.
Stay, Elijah had said a few days before passing away.
He had held out his thin hand for her.
Stay.
The whispered word, the quiet and desperate need for her to be with him in those last moments, burned into her mind.
