Page 66 of Dr. Alaska
Shit. “Which part was right?”
A sad, gulping laugh bubbled up. She stood there, in leggings and a thermal top and those cute wool socks, looking fragile and cold, and for a moment all he wanted to do was be her shelter to warm her up and take away her pain.
“You’re right,” she said. “I like to fix things. I try to make whatever situation I’m in a success, until it isn’t. I like to help others, sometimes to my detriment. I’m tempted by the greener grass because it helps me solve the financial mess I’m in. A mess that I’m partially responsible for because of my own decisions. All of that is true.”
He felt the shudder of her indrawn breath from across the room. Raw, painful emotion was written across her pinched expression.
She continued. “The other part that was true? That’s the part where you’re wrong. I do like Yukon Valley. I love the people here and all their silly quirks. I love your babies who look like disasters, but they are the most loyal team of dogs I could imagine. I love this lodge and the beautiful land around it.”
What else did she love? He leaned forward to catch her whisper.
“I thought I was starting to fall in love with you.”
“You thought.” Mav hadn’t hesitated. She had.
He knew for sure that he was falling in love with her. Knew that he needed Lee in his life. Right before she stepped out of it.
“Now I don’t know.” She sniffled. “Because now it doesn’t matter. I need to make a decision that impacts my whole life and well-being.”
“That decision won’t involve me. Or Yukon Valley.”
“I don’t know yet.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
The next morningsucked more than usual Mondays. The sleepless night had left grit behind in Lee’s irritated eyes.
Lee was on call, so she started her day in med-surg and saw the admitted patients, trying to bury herself in the routine of listening, analyzing data, considering the diagnoses, and formulating the best plan. It was familiar work but work she apparently couldn’t do to formulate the best plan for her own life.
While listening to a patient’s lungs, Lee peeked at the stark white world swirling outside the window. At its core, patient care was familiar, but she was still in an unfamiliar place. That cold landscape was as far as a person could be from the deciduous tree-covered and grassy hills of Georgia.
Her existence here was completely disconnected from mimosas on verandahs, brunching at country clubs, pleasant small talk with people who ran local and state governments, and comparing spring fashions. Lee glanced down at her salt-rimed knockoff Gianni Bini boots and chuckled while her patient inhaled again. Despite Lee’s best efforts to keep the new footwear pristine, she had failed.
Those boots had retained their core purpose but changed their identity.
Could Lee do the same?
The uncertainty behind any choice gnawed at her.
She exited the room and headed down the hall.
Before she entered the next room, she took a fortifying breath. “Knock, knock,” she said.
“About time you got to me, Doc.” Bruce’s voice rang out.
“Hey, I’m saving the best for last!”
“Fine. When can I go home? They won’t salt any of my food here. I need some bacon. Those nurses keep ordering me around.” He huffed, then whispered, “They keep measuring my urine.”
Good ol’ Bruce, completely missing the point of a low-salt diet and how adhering to it could keep his heart healthy. Also, missing the point of strictly measuring his intake and output. If he was this pleasant in professional interactions, she wondered how Aggie put up with him at home. He must have been a real bear since coming home from the hospital a few weeks ago.
“Hey, you were basically not alive the last time you were in this hospital. On this recent admission, you looked pretty rough as well. Be thankful that you’re able to protest today.”
“I’d be more thankful with bacon.” He crossed his hair-covered and thick arms over the floral hospital gown.
At least he could complain without gasping for breath, which was a big improvement from his dyspnea during the congestive heart failure flare-up a few days ago, which Lee guessed might be connected to his love of bacon and salt. Not to mention his use of diuretic pills when he felt like it. Lee sighed. She could only help him if it was on his terms.
After his heart attack in the ER last month, Bruce had a cardiac catheterization with three coronary blockages successfully stented in Fairbanks. He came home a week later and began the outpatient cardiac rehabilitation program. Luckily, Yukon Valley Hospital had a respiratory therapist trained for the task, so Bruce didn’t have to travel the long distance to Fairbanks. Now he could grumble at a local person instead of a highfalutin’ big city cardiac rehab nurse in Fairbanks.
