Page 23 of Sins of the Flesh
Cole's eyes, those mesmerizing pale green pools, darken again as they lock with mine.His lips part slightly, and I feel his wrists flex under my grip, not fighting to get free but testing the boundary.His tongue slides over his plump bottom lip as he licks a water droplet.Flashes of kissing him and taking his lip between my teeth races through my mind in rapid succession.
The thought shocks me back to reality and I realize what I’m doing and how dreadfully inappropriate it is.Guilt submerges me and I release his wrists quickly standing and offering a hand to help him off the ground.
I smirk in an attempt to hide my embarrassment."I win," I say in a husky rasp.Cole's eyes meet mine with an intensity that makes my stomach flip.He takes my offered hand, his grip firm and warm despite the cold water.As I pull him up, he comes a little too close, our chests nearly touching.For a moment, we just stand there, breathing each other's air.
"I should get back to work."He steps back, breaking the spell.
"Right," I nod, trying to sound casual.
“Thanks for…this.”We both know I'm not thanking him for washing the cars with me.
LATER THAT NIGHT Ally is standing by the sink, washing dishes.Her back is to me as I enter the kitchen, hair still damp from my shower.I come up behind her, sliding my arms around her waist, feeling the familiar curves of her body against mine.She smells like lavender and vanilla, comforting scents that have always felt like home.
"Why hello Mr.Nichols" she murmurs, leaning back into me."How was your day?"
"Good," I say, my voice muffled against her neck."Productive."
I don't mention Cole or the water fight or the way my body responded to him.Instead, I trail kisses down her neck, seeking the familiar comfort of her body, hoping it will drown out the confusion in my mind.Ally turns in my arms, soapy hands dripping onto the floor as she cups my face.
"Someone's in a mood," she smiles, her eyes lighting up with interest as she kisses me deeply.I lift her onto the counter, my hands sliding under her shirt, seeking skin.She wraps her legs around my waist, pulling me closer.Gripping the back of Ally’s thighs I hoist her into my arms as I walk, carrying her to our bedroom.
Laying her gently on the mattress.Her auburn hair fans out across the pillow as she gazes up at me with a mixture of love and desire that should make my heart race.It does, but for all the wrong reasons.
As I undress her, my hands moving with practiced familiarity over the curves of her body, my mind keeps drifting.When I close my eyes to kiss her, flashes of Cole's water-slicked chest appear unbidden behind my eyelids.The softness of Ally's skin beneath my fingertips morphs into the firmness of muscle and sinew I felt earlier today.
My cock stiffens rapidly; this has never happened to me before.I have always had to work at getting stiff enough to simply penetrate but right now I am painfully hard and desperately confused.
Ally forces me to my back and straddles me, her soft curves pressing against me as she leans down to kiss me passionately.My eyes sink closed and again Cole is there, his pale eyes and hard chest muscles rubbing against mine as he straddled me.Ally grinds against my rock hard erection through my boxers, and I groan into her mouth.My hands find her hips, guiding her movements as she rocks against me.
My arousal intensifies with images of Cole’s flushed face, conflicting with the present moment.I repeat a mantra to myself, trying to stay focused on Ally and the pleasure we are sharing right now.
As I open my eyes, I find Ally slowly easing down onto my hard cock.She leans forward and places her hands on my chest, breathing heavily as she pants, "Caleb, I had no idea you could get this hard.It feels amazing."She starts moving her body up and down on my erection.
Sex has never been like this and the sensations are making me feral.I grip her hips tighter, thrusting upward, losing myself in the physical sensation.But guilt gnaws at me with each movement.Images of Cole above me flash again and I thrust harder into her."God, Caleb," Ally moans, her head falling back, exposing the elegant line of her throat."You feel so good tonight."
I flip her onto her back, covering her body with mine, hoping the change in position will help me focus.Burying my face in her neck, I thrust deeper, harder, as if I could physically drive away the thoughts of Cole.Ally wraps her legs around my waist, her nails digging into my shoulders as she urges me on.
"Yes, right there," she gasps, her body arching beneath me, her inner walls clenching around me as she orgasms.Clenching my eyes to keep my focus on the feel of her around me proves to be a mistake because Cole’s parted wet lips beneath me slide into my vision and Ally’s moans are coming from his gasping lips.
My release crashes into me with force, Cole's name nearly slipping from my lips.I bite it back, burying my face deeper into Ally's neck to muffle any sound that might betray me.
I have never had an orgasm that powerful but the pleasure of it is drowned out by the overwhelming guilt.I betrayed two people I care about in one action, who am I?
Ally curls up next to me panting heavily, her fingertips tracing patterns on my chest as she murmurs, "That was...wow.What got into you tonight?"I wrap my arms around her, guilt and shame washing over me.I wish I could answer that question but I just don’t know what to say so I just press a kiss to her forehead.
Later that night staring at the ceiling, discontent swirling in my chest.Quietly I slip out of bed and make my way to my study.Kneeling before the small altar I keep there, I clasp my hands together and bow my head, desperate for guidance.
"Lord, please help me," I whisper into the darkness."Help me to understand what is happening to me."
My fathers voice seeps into my mind a distant memory from when I was 12.
“Caleb, lust is a sin of the flesh, a tool the Devil will use against you to turn you away from God.God granted you the power to control yourself to thwart the Devil.God expects you to control your erection, do you hear me boy?”He grasps my neck pushing my head down.“Pray, Pray until it stops.”Tears are in my throat but I dare not let them fall.Men don’t cry.
A sob rips from my chest as nausea roils my stomach.I have learned erections are normal, of course, it’s what causes them that is the sin.
My mind drifts back to that moment in the parking lot, Cole's body pressed against mine, our faces inches apart.The memory sends a shiver down my spine, and I squeeze my eyes shut tighter.I can't do this, it's wrong for so many reasons.
"I've always tried to live by Your word, to be a good husband and leader in this community.But now I feel lost, confused.Please, show me how to get back to You."As I pray, tears begin to slip down my cheeks.I know what I have to do and I hate it.
