Page 27 of Sins of the Flesh
"We should probably try to get some sleep," Caleb suggests, breaking the silence."Tomorrow's going to be a long day with all the cleanup."He moves to the mattress, sitting on the edge to untie his shoes.
I nod, trying not to think about sharing such a small space with him."Yeah, you're right."I kick off my work boots and set them neatly by the wall suddenly very conscious of every movement I make.
We take turns using the small bathroom area curtained off in the corner.When I return, Caleb has laid out the mattress with blankets and pillows."Do you want the wall side or the outside?"He asks, not quite meeting my eyes.
"I'll take the outside," I reply, figuring it'll be easier for me to get up without disturbing him if I need to.We settle onto opposite sides of the mattress, both of us lying stiffly on our backs, careful not to touch.The storm rages on above us, the sounds of wind and rain creating a strange lullaby.
"Cole?"Caleb's voice is soft in the darkness.
"Yeah?"I respond, staring up at the ceiling.
"I really am sorry.For avoiding you."There's a vulnerability in his voice I've never heard before.I turn my head slightly, catching his profile in the dim lantern light.
"I just wish you'd told me what was going on instead of shutting me out."He sighs, a deep sound that seems to come from somewhere inside him.
"I know.I just...I wasn't ready to talk about it.I'm still not sure I am."
"You don't have to tell me everything," I say, careful to keep my voice neutral."But we were friends, I thought.Before...everything."
"We still are," Caleb whispers, and I can feel him shift slightly beside me."At least, I hope we are."
The silence stretches between us, filled with the sound of rain pelting the cellar doors above.I want to believe him, but these past months have left me wary."I don't know what to say to that," I admit finally."One minute we're fine, and the next you're treating me like I have the plague.Friends don't do that, Caleb."Using his first name feels intimate in the darkness, a reminder of the boundary I'm not supposed to cross.
He exhales slowly."You're right.I handled it all wrong.Can you forgive me?"I turn on my side to look at him, studying his face in the dim light.His eyes are earnest, pleading.
A persistent nagging voice in my head reminds me I did the same thing to him and he never even asked for an apology.So, how can I be a hypocrite by holding this over his head.
“Yes but next time can we just talk about it?”I ask, injecting a little amusement into my tone to lighten the mood.Caleb smiles the first true smile I’ve seen all day
“Deal.”
I WAKE TO THE SMELL that has ignited my fantasies over and over.My balls thumping in my jeans pulls me further from sleep.A hard chest rises and falls beneath my head and the realization that I am laying on Caleb's chest hits me instantly.
I freeze, panic rising through me as I realize how we're positioned.Somehow in the night, I've ended up half-sprawled across Caleb's body, my head on his chest, one of my legs thrown over his.His arm is wrapped around me, holding me close, his fingers lightly resting against my shoulders.And worse, or better, depending on how I look at it, I can feel his morning wood pressing against my thigh.
I should move.I know I should.But for just a moment, I allow myself to savor this closeness, the steady thump of his heart beneath my ear, the warmth of his body against mine.This is everything I've fantasized about for years, and I'm terrified to break the spell.
Slowly, carefully, I try to extricate myself without waking him.But as I shift, his arm around my shoulders tightens slightly."Morning," he murmurs, voice thick with sleep.His chest rumbles beneath my cheek as he speaks.
Mortification washes over me.
"I'm sorry," I stammer, pulling away more forcefully now."I didn't mean to…"
"It's okay, Cole," he says, releasing me."The storm was scary.We both needed comfort."I sit up, running a hand through my hair, trying to will away my obvious arousal.Thank God for dim lighting and loose jeans.
"Is it over?"I ask, desperate to change the subject.Caleb sits up too, checking his phone.
"Looks like the warning's been lifted.The radio's been quiet too."He runs a hand through his sleep-tousled hair, and I try not to stare at how it makes him look younger, more vulnerable somehow."We should be able to head out and check on things."
Relief washes through me at the thought of checking on Mom in person, but there's also a strange reluctance to leave this intimate bubble we've created.
Here, in this underground shelter, away from the church and the town, we've reconnected in a way I didn't think possible after months of distance.
"I need to see my mom," I say, reaching for my boots."Make sure the house is okay."
"Of course," Caleb nods, standing and stretching.His t-shirt rides up slightly, revealing a strip of tanned skin and the trail of dark hair disappearing into his pants.I quickly look away, focusing intently on tying my bootlaces.
When Caleb lets us out of the cellar we stand in his backyard and I grab the back of my neck.“Thanks for everything, Caleb.”He smiles my favorite smile
