Page 17 of Kissing Chaos
Reece and I sit in tense silence in a booth at the back of Riley’s dining area.
My knee is bouncing so uncontrollably that I’m sure a hole is about to open under us from the vibrations. Reece keeps an eye on me as he scrolls through his phone. McKenna nearly skips through the tables, but then her eyes land on my brother and her steps falter briefly. She shoots daggers at me, and I send her seriousplease don’t hate mevibes. Her steps resume, but her entire aura has shifted to something much less enthusiastic as she slips into the spot next to me, across from Reece.
“Now that your keeper is here, can we get on with it?” Reece grunts without glancing away from his screen.
My teeth dig into the inside of my cheek at the dig at McKenna, but it hurts me, too. My hand comes up to rub at my temple, brushing a stray hair that escaped the nest on top of my head.
McKenna nudges my leg under the table but looks at Reece and says, “I’m not her keeper, and you know it. Your sister is a big girl. Treat her as such.”
“I know she is.”
“Then watch what you say and how it affects those around you.”
My brother’s jaw clenches as he looks away for a minute then raises a hand to flag down the waiter.
“Hey, guys. What can I get ya?”
As we rattle off orders, me copying McKenna’s and reaffirming Reece’s earlier claim, my mind spins around how true of a statement it is. I’d wanted to keep reaching for that stronger version of myself and tell the two most important people in my life about my decision to chase my bookstore dream. And yet, the inner pep talks I’d given myself all night about standing on my own, reaching my goals independently, opening the bookstore—they all mean nothing. A part of me is aware that the others are attempting to make amiable conversation, but I’ve zoned out, my mind spiraling as all the negatives creep back in.
When my thoughts finally settle, I look up at them and say, “Reece is right.”
Whatever conversation they were having halts as both sets of eyes dart to me.
“About?” Reece nudges.
I look everywhere but at them, feeling itchy under their scrutiny. “McKenna takes care of me, and I take advantage of it. It makes my life easier,” I mutter with a shrug.
McKenna turns her body so that she’s fully facing me. “You know how to take care of yourself, friend. And you do more than enough for me. For everyone, really. You’re always helping others take care of themselves.”
As she finishes, I’m already shaking my head in denial. “Our friendship is one-sided and you know it. Same with you,” I say to my brother. “I am a terrible friend. I am a terrible sister. There’s a reason my relationships don’t work out.”
“Hey,” Reece interrupts. “This will not turn into a self-deprecating lunch. All three of us do our best. I only said what Isaid to get a rise out of Blue Eyes.” He reaches a hand across the table and rests it on my forearm. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I nod but then hastily shake my head, my voice dropping low. “I know. But it is still true. My brain doesn’t function like yours, and I hate it. I wish I could have engaging conversations like you guys, or keep track of time or stay organized. Keep you guys from worrying all the time,” I say with another shrug, the way too familiar sting of tears at the back of my eyes. “God, I feel pathetic right now. I wanted to start fresh after Joey left me for Ella and try to do things on my own for once, but you guys are reminding me that maybe it’s impossible.”
“Whoa, what?”
“What’s going on, sweets?”
Both of them start talking over each other, and I hold up a hand. “I said I’d tell you what happened between us, but honestly, I don’t feel like going into too much detail when y’all are both acting ridiculous. Three weeks ago, I found Joey and his best friend in our living room together. They’ve been together for a few months. I don’t blame either of them. I’m a fun-sucker as proven by the two of you.”
“Like hell, you can’t blame them,” McKenna snaps.
Reece is quietly stewing, and I realize I can’t sit here. If Reece loses his cool about work or life, I can deal. But that look says he’s about to go off on me for not telling him sooner about the circumstances of Joey’s departure, and I can’t handle being the disappointment again.
Nudging McKenna, I stammer, “Please let me out.” The tears and fears and truths press in on me like walls.
“Jett, let’s talk—”
My eyes must hold enough desperation in them, because she slips out of the booth.
“Keep your phone on you.”
I nod at my brother’s terse request without looking at either of them. As quickly as I can without running, I slip out the front door and set out on the sidewalks of Havenwood.
7
Jett
