Page 34 of After Him, There Was You
“Jae, go back to bed, and I'll see you in the morning.”
A look of hesitancy flashed in his eyes before he nodded his head and took heed to my advice. After saying goodbye to me first and then Zane second, he disappeared down the dark hallway.
A few seconds later, I could hear his heavy feet walking up the stairs, and moments after that I heard his room door close shut.
Resuming my mission, I led Zane into the kitchen where I grabbed a large Ziploc bag and filled it with ice. Reaching for the first aid kit I kept in one of my kitchen drawers, I retrieved the antiseptic wash and cotton balls.
“I can't clean your hand with you standing all of the way over there,” I teased, motioning for him to come to the sink where I was standing.
Taking slow yet long strides due to his height, he walked from the kitchen doorway over to me.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Has caring for other people always been natural for you?” he asked, giving me a question for a question instead of answering me.
“When I was younger, maybe six or seven, my mama was diagnosed with diabetes,” I stated, prepared to provide him with the reason why I was the way I was. “When she received her diagnosis, her and my father were going through a separation. Instead of him staying back and helping out with me and myyounger sister, he left her to figure it out,” I continued, instantly reminiscing back to one of the darkest times of my life.
The way I felt even as an adult, was something I never wanted my children to experience, which were side effects of coming from a broken home.
“Sometimes she wouldn’t take her medicine, and other times she would eat something she wasn’t supposed to, and in those times, I had to step in and take care of her. Caring for others has been easy for me ever since.”
“You were six years old taking care of your mother and your little sister? Tara, that takes a lot of strength, but at the age you were, you shouldn’t have had to endure the struggle.”
“Sometimes you have to adapt and move accordingly.”
“Sometimesyou shouldn’t have to,” he reasoned, closing the space in between us, placing a kiss on my lips. “Whatever you need going forward, I’m here. I couldn’t carry your load then, but I can damn sure carry it now. I want to be your strength like you’ve been mine.”
“You really love me, don’t you?” I asked unnecessarily because I knew how he felt about me from the way he stared at me and made me a priority regardless of what he was going through.
He made sure his love for me was affirmed by his actions and I cherished him for it.
“Yes, I do. One thing about me is I’ll never say anything for the sake of hearing myself talk,” he stated matter-of-factly. “I can say I love you without giving it a second thought because it’s honestly how I feel.”
“I love you too,” I declared.
Turning my attention back to his hand, I cleaned his bruised knuckles and wrapped it as best as I could.
“What are you going to tell Jaedan? I could tell he wanted to ask more questions about why I’m over here.”
“Should I tell him aboutus?” I directed the question to Zane, but the question was also something I needed to ask myself.
“I’m not going anywhere, but I’m a patient man. I know you need to tell he and Raegan when you’re ready. I’ll be here whenever you decide to let them in on our relationship, but make no mistake, you’re mine and I’m yours.”
“I like the sound of that,” I conceded, not seeing a need to put up a fight. I knew that Zane was who I wanted to be with going forward, yet even though I knew he was my person, I didn’t know how Jaedan and Raegan would react to there being a new member or our family.
Giving consideration to how they reacted when Jason married Amber, I was admittedly afraid they would react the same way to Zane. Before I caught Jason cheating, the kids loved Amber. In fact, whenever I took them to see Jason at work, they looked forward to stopping by Amber’s office there. The love they had for her changed in an instant when Jason introduced Amber as his fiancée a week from the day our divorce was final.
Initially, I wanted to shield them from knowing the exact reason we were separating, but with Jason’s declaration, they were able to connect the dots enough. Actually, Jaedan was the spokesperson out of the two of them and didn’t hesitate to ask if Amber was a part of the reason Jason and I were getting a divorce. Although I didn’t give them a play by play, I did let them know that she had something to do with it.
Then, when Amber told them about her pregnancy a few months later, their hate for her grew even more.
The situation with Zane was different because we were both two single adults, but I still didn’t want to be the cause of Zane going from the great Coach Simmons Jaedan saw him as, to public enemy number two, going on his hit list right behind Amber.
Honestly, I would end things with Zane before I allowed the relationship to negatively affect my children. Yes, it would hurt, but they came first.
“I need to get out of here.”
“But you wanted to talk,” I countered because deep down inside, I wasn’t ready for him to go.
