Page 27 of After Him, There Was You
“Aren’t I always?”
“We can talk about that later,” she noted, laughing, speedily ending the call.
Getting up from the bed which sat against the far wall of my childhood room. I leaned back as far as I possibly could until I felt a much-needed pull and stretch in my back. I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house, but I knew I would have to make a move back to my residence sooner or later.
Because of my choice not to go back to my house, I had been sleeping on a dated mattress and the tightness I felt from head to toe, but primarily in my back, was my body’s way of reminding me I was approaching my thirty-third birthday.
Thirty-three wasn’t old by a long shot, but I was a far cry from my teenage self who could jump out of the bed as if I had gotten the perfect night’s sleep. Honestly, back then, I probably was getting good sleep, but it was only because I didn’t know any better.
Being raised by a single mother with a mediocre job sometimes meant not having the best of everything and the mattress was not the best at any level. Plus, since Zane and I were grown, Mama didn’t make a habit of switching out our beds. She was hellbent on keeping things she worked hard for even though she raised two sons who could replace everything in her house in the blink of an eye.
The only reason the downstairs bedrooms were updated were because of my daughters and Tatum. She stood on them being comfortable whenever they would come over to spend the night or the weekend with her.
Shaking my head at the thought of my daughters, I pulled at my beard which was in need of grooming.
The day after my mama passed, I called Chante and let her know what was going on. From the day before, she knew Mama’s condition had gotten worse due to the way I rushed out of the store, but she didn’t know to what extent.
Much like everyone else, Chante told me she was sorry for my loss. She said she would wait on me to tell the girls what happened, but I wasn’t in any rush. The relationship Chasity, Elise, and Paige had with their granny was unmatched, especially Chasity. With her being the first grandchild, her and mama had a unique bond of their own, and I knew it would hit her the hardest.
The longer I could spare her and her sisters from the pain and loss I was experiencing, the better. I knew I would tell them before the funeral, but I wasn’t rushing coming in contact with the inevitable devastation.
A knock on my room door pulled me from my thoughts.
“Come in,” I called out, causing Zane’s face to appear seconds later.
“Who were you talking to?”
“I was on the phone talking to Eva,” I announced, causing a light smile to appear on his face. “She invited me to go furniture shopping with her.”
“Y’all are moving fast. I didn’t know y’all were seriously dating. Are you sure you’re ready to move in with another woman after Chante?”
“I can’t even put my mind in that space with everything we have going on, but no, we’re not seriously dating. She called and said she needed a second opinion on some new living room furniture. I think she’s just worried and trying to get me to move around.”
“How are you doing? You haven’t been out of the room much. You know I’m right down the hall.”
“Zane, I appreciate you, but you lost your mama too, man. Don’t worry about me so much that you stop yourself from grieving,” I warned.
Zane had always been a big brother to the core, and I wasn’t surprised with his approach.
Since I could remember, he had maintained the militant, protective, intense, sharp, conscientious, straight shooter mentality he had as a grown man.
With us being less than a year apart, I didn’t think his overly protective nature was necessary, but I couldn’t tell him he needed to chill out because Zane was stuck in his big brother ways.
“I hear what you’re saying, but I’m your big brother. I’m naturally going to worry about you. It’s my responsibility.”
“You need a hobby then,” I added humorously.
“No, I need to keep my eye on you, but I’ll get out of here so you can get ready,” he stated with his tall, lean stature leaned up against the frame of the doorway. “Tara brought us some lunch. You need to put something on your stomach before you head out of here.”
“You need to put something on your stomach before you head out of here,” I mocked. “You sound just like Mama, man.”
“I guess some things come naturally,” he noted with a faint smile which lacked happiness, making it apparent the smile was forced.
“Thank you, Toon.”
“You know that I’ll always have your back, Tas.”
Watching him leave the room, I still couldn’t believe she was gone. Undoubtedly, my heart would remind me on a daily basis she was no longer with us. It hurt like hell, and although I knew she wouldn’t want me to stop living in her absence, I didn’t know how I was going to go on.
