Page 25 of After Him, There Was You
My mama hadn’t uttered a word the entire day and had been in and out of consciousness due to the medicine Shannon was giving her to keep her comfortable, but as Aunt Mildred fell to her knees, she used the little strength she had to roll her eyes.
Out of all my four aunts and uncles who came to say goodbye, it was a guarantee for Mildred to put on the best performance. Ironically, they were the only siblings who didn’t get along with each other.
My mama never said it, but I was convinced the dislike stemmed from when Mildred’s daughter, Renee, had Zuri, and Mildred refused to take in her own grandchild which was why my mama took her in. It wasn’t that Mildred didn’t have the means to care for Zuri at the time; it was the sole fact she didn’t want to, which was something she always made known. She would always say she could take Zuri in if she wanted to.
Before then, I always remembered the two getting along, but after Zuri’s adoption, they quickly became as uncooperative as the combination of oil and water.
“I’ll be back when she leaves,” Zeke announced, not attempting to hide his annoyance.
Her dramatic sobs quickly convinced me I needed to do the same, leaning over I let Tara know I needed some fresh air before I excused myself and followed behind him.
We hadn’t made it out of the door and onto the porch good before we heard a chaotic chorus of piercing screams.
“Mama!” Zuri called out in a gut-wrenching tone I knew I would never be able to forget.
Sharing a knowing look, we rushed back into the room to find Mildred stretched over Mama’s body.
Although her eyes were staring in my direction, the cloudy gaze in her cold stare, and the sight of Shannon checking for a pulse let me know the moment we had been preparing ourselves for was before us.
She was gone. My mama was really gone.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Simmons. I have to call her time of death.”
“No, man. No! Hell no… Shannon, check her again… Shannon, do your got damn job and check her again!” Zeke criedout before turning to the wall and effortlessly punching a hole in it.
As much as I hurt, Zeke was a Mama’s boy, and I knew for him, the pain hit different. I also knew he blamed himself for not being aware of her prognosis. He felt like since he was the one who was here, seeing her on a regular basis, he should have known she was suffering in silence.
With regretful eyes, Shannon searched for a pulse again and shook her head, acknowledging there wasn’t one to be found.
“Zeke, man, we’re going to get through this,” I declared, embracing him, and as he cried on my shoulder, I cried on his. We were all we had, and we were going to need each other to get through.
I knew we made her proud in life, and we were going to have to make her proud in death. That was the only thing I had to hold on to.
It was the only thing I had to give me strength.
***
A Few Days Later
From the moment her soul departed Earth, I had been feeling as if she took half of my soul with hers as she transitioned. We were doing our best to keep it together, but we were both failing miserably, especially Zeke who wasn’t eating or sleeping. The only time he had left the house over the past few days was when we had to go to our appointment at the funeral home to finalize her arrangements which she had already made clear with them unbeknownst to us.
Naturally, I was worried about him, but I only had so much emotional capacity to offer him because I was also processing having to bury my mother. I had taken the week off work in order to deal with everything although I wanted to put in foran indefinite leave. I knew if I walked away, I would be doing the players at NBPU Academy who I had been hired to train an injustice if I abandoned them not even a month into my position.
“Zane!” I heard my angel’s voice call out from the front of the house.
Checking my watch, I realized it was lunch time, meaning it was her first break of the day. Getting up from my position on the couch, I went to greet her. She didn’t waste any time pulling me into her, giving me an opportunity to exhale everything I found myself trying to hold onto.
“Hey, handsome. I want to ask you how you’re doing, but I know the answer,” Tara knowingly stated, staring deep into my eyes as if she was trying to communicate to my soul. “I have to go to a parent teacher conference for one of my students, but I at least wanted to bring you and Zeke lunch. I also got something extra for Zuri. I didn’t know if she would be here or not. Is there anything I can do for you?”
“You’ve done more than enough for me, Tara.”
“No, I haven’t. I wish I could take your pain away, but I know I can’t.” The defeat exuding from her aura because she couldn’t erase my hurt let me in on just how much she cared about me.
“I love you for trying.” I could tell my confession caught her off guard, but it was the truth. I loved her for trying. I loved her for being by my side. I loved her because I could tell she was genuinely trying to do whatever she could to ease paint that only time could heal.
I knew I would always grieve and miss my mother. It was still fresh, and I was still processing the fact I could no longer have her in the physical sense. The only thing I had left of Marjorie Simmons was the memories she left me with.
“Are you aware you just said you love me? If you misspoke, I won’t hold it against you. I understand your mind is in a different space, and —”
