Page 17 of After Him, There Was You
“Yes, I want to have children, with you specifically. Not right now, of course, but one day soon I want you to have my last name and my child.”
Batting her long eyelashes, she stared at me.
“Since you asked me a question, I have a question to ask you.”
“Go ahead. I’m an open book for you,” I stated, raising my glass, and taking a sip of the Laurent Perrier Rose NV wine which was by far my favorite of all the wines we sampled.
“I’m not sure if you remember the night you asked me to leave with you, and if you do, I’m not sure if you remember enough to answer my question, but why? Why did you wait until then to tell me you had feelings for me? What was going through your mind?”
“That was more than one question,” I jokingly argued, bringing out her beautiful smile. “Yes, I remember that night and I believe an apology is long overdue.”
“An apology?”
“Yes, an apology. I shouldn’t have put you in that position and I’m sincerely sorry that I did. In my mind, we were great friends, and you were head over heels in love with Jason, so I didn’t want to ruin our friendship and I didn’t want to ruin what you had with him,” I confessed. “However, when I thought about the possibility of leaving you behind, I felt like it was now or never, so I stepped out on a limb and decided to tell you how I felt.”
“You really wanted me to go with you when you left?”
“Yes,” I answered without hesitation. “I wanted you to go with me. I felt like we could have had something amazing with each other out there. I felt like you would have been the piece of home I needed with me. When I asked you to come with me, that’s what I was thinking. I wanted you to be the one to experience a new chapter with me.”
“Wow. I don’t know what I expected you to say, but… Wow. Your answer was better than I ever expected it to be.”
“I’m glad I could provide you with what you were looking for.”
“I can honestly say that when you left, I thought about you every day and it was hard for me to process not knowing that one of my good friends had feelings for me, without me having a clue. I knew you cared for me and about me, but I didn’t realize in what capacity until you let me know. You expressed your feelings, asked me to leave with you, and said goodbye in seemingly the blink of an eye, so for me it was like a triple blow,” she confessed. “You left me to process a lot and because I couldn’t get in touch with you, I had to box up feelings and move on without closure I didn’t know I needed… Does that make sense? I feel like this wine is making me ramble, but it’s good, so I’ll keep drinking,” she declared, bringing the glass to her full lips.
The beauty of the black woman was something unmatched and something no other person could emulate, and if there was ever a doubt in my mind of the perfection God created when he designed every shade of the melanin, I was in front of his finest example.
“Box up your feelings?” I asked for clarity, curious to hear her expound on her answer.
“Yes, when you left, I had to box up my feelings. Like… perhaps… maybe your confession made me realize that maybe I also had feelings for you which extended beyond friendship.Now that we are both in a different space mentally, and for you physically, we can explore those boxed up feelings.”
“Those are my intentions exactly.”
“Zane, I hate to kill the moment, but I have a confession to make.”
“Okay.”
“I recently had sex with Jason.”
Pausing a moment, I took in her words. Words I knew came with pure intention. I knew she wasn’t telling me from a malicious place or to merely see how I would react. Outweighing her words, was the regret in her eyes. There was a present haze there beyond the effects of the alcohol where regret dwelled.
“Do you plan on doing it again?”
“No! Absolutely not.”
“Then it can be left in the past. While I appreciate your honesty, I would like to leave it in the past. I know since he’s the father of your children, he’s always going to be close, and you’ll even maintain a special place in your heart for him because that’s the kind of woman you are. However, I hope I can be the person you start to turn to whenever your body, mind, heart, and soul need attention.”
Hopefully, her having sex with Jason was a case of misguided judgment and not a character flaw because Tarana was someone I wanted in my life moving forward, and I would hate to know that her love for Jason would keep us apart for a second time around.
“I think I can manage with those conditions,” she playfully yet seductively noted.
Lifting my glass, I proposed a toast. “Cheers to a second chance at love.”
“Cheers,” Tara mimicked, her agreeance, playing as melodic music to my ears, unknowingly agreeing to be everything I knew she could be to me and more.
Chapter 9: Man Down - Eva
The Following Afternoon
