Page 15 of After Him, There Was You
“I swear that girl snitches more than my students used to,” she fussed, rolling her eyes, referring to her days as an elementary school teacher.
“Mama, she’s not snitching. She’s doing her job,” Zeke reasoned, defending the woman who had been using her skills and experience to take care of her around the clock.
“Tas, I didn’t ask you,” she sassed, calling him his childhood nickname which was short for the Tasmanian devil due to how bad he was when we were younger. “Anyway. Did you bring me something?” Mama questioned, looking at the bag in my hand labeled with Greenhouse Therapy’s logo.
Without hesitation, I handed her the bag of goods I’d gotten for her, and the first thing she pulled out was one of the infused brownies, tearing through the wrapper and taking a massive bite out of it.
“Can I have some, Granny?” Chasity innocently asked.
“No, sweet pea, you can’t have any of this. This is for grownups.”
“Aww, man. Grownups have all of the fun,” Chasity pouted.
“You’ll have all the time in the world to grow up. Enjoy being my sweet pea for a little while longer, okay?”
The heaviness of her words struck something in Zeke, and when I glanced at him, he was swiping away a tear.
“Y’all keep your granny company while I talk to your daddy outside,” I requested, motioning with my head in the direction of the door so he could follow me out.
Stepping on the front porch of our childhood home, we both took a deep breath.
“Man, this is killing me,” Zeke spoke. “I’m trying to be strong because I know it’s what she needs me to be, but damn,man,” he expressed, looking up to the sky as if the simple gesture would stop the tears.
“I know, man. I know,” I stated, mentally debating on the best way to console him in the moment, ultimately deciding to let him freely have his moment without interruption.
“The girls have been asking to see her, but I’ve been keeping her away because I didn’t want them to have to see her like this, but on the other hand, I would never forgive myself for keeping them away and then something happen. You know?”
“Yea, I know,” I affirmed, doing my best to disregard the overwhelming guilt I had in relation to the reality my mama would more than likely not have a chance to meet my children.
Time was a crazy aspect of life. You could make plans and work toward goals, and God had a special way of reminding you through the use of time that you’re never in as much control as you think.
Standing in silence, I allowed guilt and my thoughts to tag team and have the opportunity to consume me. If I wouldn’t have been so focused on my legacy, I would’ve been settled down with a wife and kids already. My wife and our children would have had time with my mama, and she wouldn’t stand the chance of merely being a picture in a photo book when they were old enough to ask about her.
It bothered me deeply, and sadly, there was nothing I could do about it.
***
Later That Night
Staying true to my word, I called Tarana to let her know I was leaving my house and heading in her direction.
To my surprise, we lived in the same private neighborhood and only stayed a few streets apart. We were soclose in proximity I could step outside and see the top of her house from my back patio.
Even with the news Shannon had given Zeke and I before we left, I was still determined to take Tara out. I felt guilty for leaving but if anything, I knew my mama wouldn’t want me staying by her bedside all night, although that was exactly what I wanted to do.
When Shannon pulled us to the side and let us know our mama had about a month left to live, it seemed to be the final blow before the ultimate devastation. At sixty-five years young, I still felt like my mama had many, many, many years left of life in her, but time and her deteriorating condition proved me to be wrong.
Her birthday was five months away, and sadly we didn’t know if she would make it to see sixty-six. Though I had faith in God, I couldn’t miss the look of peace in her eyes. I could tell she wasn’t fighting, and in her condition, fighting would make all the difference.
While a part of me was still angry about not only her refusal to receive chemo and radiation, but her choice to keep it from us until it was too late to do anything outside of being forced to watch her die, I wanted to be there like she had always been there for me.
After receiving the news from Shannon, Zeke and I had made the decision to move back into our room so we could be as close to her as possible until the end.
Doing my best to focus on the night ahead instead of the journey beyond, I grabbed my keys and headed the short distance to Tara’s house. In true gentleman fashion, I wanted to greet Tara with a gift, but I wanted to stray away from the typical route of showing up with flowers and chocolate. As I pulled into her empty driveway, I was hopeful she would be moreappreciative of the envelope resting in the passenger seat than any bouquet of flowers I would’ve purchased for the night.
Even though I was far from a stranger when it came to courting and intentionally getting to know a woman, the sweat moisturizing the palms of my hands reinforced the aspect of Tara being in a different league than the women I had pursued in my past. I wanted something different from her than I wanted from any woman. I wanted something more.
After ringing the doorbell, I retrieved a handkerchief from my pocket, wiped my hands and quickly sanitized them utilizing the hand sanitizer I never left home without. I wasn’t what people would describe as a germaphobe, but as a professional athlete, there was always someone wanting to take a picture or shake my hand, so it was easier to keep it on me.
