Page 10 of Searching for Elizabeth
“Oh, dear, that is a shame,” Bernie said. He seemed ridiculously concerned, considering the current state of Lizzy’s life, and she smiled comfortingly at him.
“Listen, Bernie, I have some troubles in my life, at the moment. I cannot tell you all about them, not right now, but I need you to not tell anybody that you saw me here, today. Even if someone were to ask, please do not tell them.”
“What is wrong, Miss Lizzy?” he said. He looked horrified at the request she had made. But his gaze was open; she could tell that he was worriedforher, not scaredofher.
“Again, I cannot say, but I promise you that there is no evil in you helping to keep my location secret. Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do. You are the Angel of Longbourn; you know that any of your tenants would do anything for you.”
Lizzy smiled. “Thank you so much. Have a good day, and perhaps I will see you again soon.”
As Lizzy walked as rapidly as she could,her thoughts were tumbled about.What was Mr. Darcy about? She just could not picture him doing the things he had done: coming to Longbourn, asking for her, and then—apparently—holing up with her father to lay out the truth about a despicable man.Telling her father about the private doings of his family, even; he had said that Mr. Wickham had tried to ruina relative of his. Yes, that was hard for Lizzy to picture, because Mr. Darcy was so very reserved. Private. Proud.
But, once he did not find her at Longbourn, had he really, actually, gone on to search for her elsewhere? Going into Meryton to…talk to people so decidedly below his own station? Talking to…perhaps shopkeepers, and tenants?
In the tumult of her thoughts, Lizzy felt flashes of irritation. Why was it Mr. Darcy’s business, where she was? Would people talk about him trying to find her? He had made up an innocent excuse, but was that not so ridiculous that people would see it for the lie it was?
Lizzy would have thought that disguise of any sort would be abhorrent to him…but he had gone off to Meryton in the guise of someone shopping and also carrying a message from mother to daughter. She was amazed as well as irritated.
And another feeling resurrected,wellingup again within her. Shefelt…good. It felt nice that someone cared enough to look for her. It felt wonderful that an intelligent and handsome man, a man of sense and education, who had lived in the world rather being trapped, as she hadbeen, without schooling or governess,on her father’s estate…that such a man…cared?…Cared enough, perhaps, to ascertain if she was alive and well?
Once she was safe in Blackthorn Cottage, Lizzy dealt with her confusion of feelings as she always did: she got out pen and paper and ink, and she began to write. This time, it was poetry rather than children’s tales.
When people break free of the ought to’s of the world
The dictates of Father
The mandates of Mother
The expectations of friends
The rules of society
Is it for love?
For honor? For pride of family?
Is it enough to be yourself…just for yourself?
Or is that just selfish striving andpridefulstirrings?
Motivations as unclean
As the food scraps in a pig’s trough
Or the dusty grains of corn gobbled by poults
Lizzy scribbled her incoherent musingsuntil her body told her that it was time to diminish her food stores once again. She rose up to study what remained in her little cupboard. She wondered if she should dare to go to Meryton, soon, to buy more food, or if she should get somefunds to Bernie to purchase more food for her, or….
Chapter 11: Darcy
—late afternoon—
Fitzwilliam Darcy rode back to Netherfield to check with Smithson, to see if rumors and gossip traveling the servant network had shone a light on what had happenedatLongbourn.
“Sir, I will report all manner of gossip I have been able to discover: I imagine you will care nothing about most or all of it, but in case it is helpful, I shall hold nothing back.”
“Yes. Indeed, I am not at all sure what I am looking for, either, so relay every titbit.”
