Page 22 of Searching for Elizabeth
“Never!”
“Well, you were being completely silent, and I assumed that perhaps we have run out of things to say to one another.
“I do not feel the need to fill every silence with words, but of course, if you wish to speak of something, I would be very happy to converse. On the other hand, I believe I was promised a tour of the outside of the property known as Blackthorn Cottage. I know that it has extensive grounds, but we were only meant to walk the circumference of the cottage itself. And Ibelieve that I might have just about enough endurance to make it all the way—I believe you said it was around eighty feet we had to walk?”
“If you are sure,” Lizzy said, “let us put on our warm layers and pick up where we left off….”
She pretended to try to remember just where that was, and Mr. Darcy, now wearing his great coat, hat, and gloves, guided her to the door. “I believe we were just about…here.”
“Ah, yes.” The short time it took to walk around the house, both of them sobered up enough to discuss the long-term detriments of having the shrubs so close to the house, the tree branches practically leaning on the thatched roof, and the extensive growth of honeysuckle and ivy over much of the house.“I do like the way all the plants and trees almost hide the cottage,” Lizzy said.
“Agreed. But speaking in the long term, there are many possible problems, from fire to a weakening of the masonry, from larger animals being able to easily reach the roof to infestation in the thatch, from rotting timbers to the difficulty of detecting problems.”
Lizzy felt a bit demoralized. They had returned to the front door, and she went inside, removed her pelisse, hung her bonnet on a peg and returned her gloves to the little shelf near the cot. Mr. Darcy, still wearing all of his outerwear, approached her with a tender expression on his face. “Miss Elizabeth, you have done an admirable job of making this cottage livable. It is remarkable to see all the repairs you have made. When we speak of the dangers of the overgrowth, we are talking as if two things will always be true.”
Looking up, she asked,“Two things?”
“Yes, the first is that you should always want the cottage to remain hidden to others. The second is that you should always want to live out here, presumably alone. I feel strongly that neither of these things are true, and that neither of these thingsshouldbe true.”
Lizzy nodded. “I agree, those two things will not always be true. However, it is difficult to say right now how long I will need the cottage to remain hidden, or how long I will need to live here.”
He was standing so very close. Lizzy felt as if every bit of her was alert to his nearness. It almost felt as if her body was straining towards him, and if she relaxed her self-control even a little bit, her body would take over and simply press itself against him. It was hard to even think about the cottage and the overgrowth and….
Mr. Darcy was speaking again. His deep voice was gentle as he said, “Mr. Collins is engaged; it is very unlikely that you could be forced to marry him. And I am ready to speak to you of a future for us, you and me, when you feel ready to hear me.”
Lizzy whispered, “Not yet,” disappointing her body, she was sure. She just hoped her body would not act as a traitor and disregard orders from her mind.
Mr. Darcy said, “Do let me know, my dear. It may not be long before you are able to share this cottage’s location with your family, before you are able to order the trimming of various trees and shrubs in order to maximize its longevity, before you live elsewhere and have, possibly, even more charming retreats that are, in fact, safer.”
“Sir, you have not taken off your coat. You look as if you are ready to leave for the evening.” Lizzy was not sure howshe felt about that. She would be able to relax her self control once he was gone, and she did need to finishTales from the Hedgerows….
Mr. Darcy sighed, a longing expression in his eyes. “I have been hard-pressed to keep up with certain duties of late. I meant to read and possibly respond to all of yesterday’s correspondence this morning, but cracking the code of Bingley’s letter ensured that it was the only letter I even opened. And I imagine that more correspondence has been delivered today. I…probably should go.”
“I have an important correspondent to consider as well,” Lizzy said. She saw Mr. Darcy’s curiosity spark at those words, and she smiled and said, “One need not own multiple estates to have important correspondence.”
She wondered if she should tell him about being a published author, but before she had made a decision, he spoke. “No indeed. Most people do not own multiple estates and yet manage to have all manner of important correspondence.” He smiled, and as he looked so very handsome, she felt her toes curl. “Well, goodnight.”
Lizzy very well remembered the kisses they had exchanged the night before. She wanted to feel those sorts of kisses again—actually, she thought that perhaps she wanted to feel even more—but she felt constrained by her own words, just a few minutes ago. She had saidnot yetto her suitor, and now she said it to her own body. She did, however, give him a swift kiss on his cheek, just as she had the night before.
His response was identical in the number of his kisses, and their placement on her body—her forehead, the back of each hand, her wrists, the center of her palms. Somehow, thesekisses felt even more intimate, because he lingered over each one.
Kissing Mr. Darcy had somehow become its own goal, claiming time and attention as a separate category of life. But when he showed the self-control to turn away, to say one more goodbye and walk out the door, she felt desperately grateful to him. She slumped into one of her chairs for several minutes before she finally moved to get out her writing supplies and start a simple dinner-for-one on the stove top.
Chapter 19: Darcy
—the next morning—
Darcy had worked hard, long into the night. His small estate in Scotland, which he did not lease out, but rather continued to keep as a family vacation spot, needed an investment for structural repairs against the constant chilly humidity, and the steward reported that the gardeners had allowed more overgrowth than was best for the manor and outbuildings.
Chuckling at the irony of overgrowth once again claiming his attention, Darcy had written a letter promising the necessary funds to make the repairs, as well as agreeing that the steward ought to make a change in the gardening staff. He then had to write to the bank in Scotland where he had a profitable account, apprising them of the fact that the steward would be applying for an additional sum of money in the coming months.
Calling for Smithson to arrange to have the letters expressed at once, Darcy had worked on all of the other issues his correspondence laid before him.
Now, waking up a bit later than usual, Darcy considered the day ahead. He had accomplished so much, he felt certain that the only pressing activity was to continue his pursuit of one Miss Elizabeth Bennet.
He was happy that the task of analyzing her cottage had brought up the future in a natural way. Hopefullytheirfuture, together. Elizabeth still seemed a bit unsure of him, or of her feelings for him, but he felt an increasing assurance that she would soon be ready to hear his addresses. He sensed her responses, not just to his words and smiles, not just to his chaste kisses, but to his entire person. Darcy was familiar withself-control; it had been his way of life for a decade, and he felt her self-control as if it was a palpable force. But that force now seemed to be diminishing when he stood close to her.
Darcy hoped that Elizabeth would share with him whose correspondence she maintained whilst living alone in a cottage that nobody seemed to know about. Certainly he imagined that she wrote with some regularity to her aunt and uncle in London, and he wondered if she had alerted them to her banishment. If she did, he would expect—or, at least, hope—that Elizabeth’s beloved uncle would stir himself to provide his support against her parents.
