Page 64 of Taming a Menace
“Like a memory. I guess I didn’t forget. I just pushed it down if that makes sense.”
“It does.”
Ten
Keywan
The warm comfort of Iyla’s lap damn near put me to sleep. I was six two, two hundred and something pounds. I hadn’t gotten an ass whupping since I was in middle school. Everybody knew I was nothing to play with. If they didn’t, they quickly learned.
No one fucked with me, even when I was in prison. My brothers were the only ones crazy enough to try it. I didn’t get scared. It just didn’t happen. Yet I had never felt as safe and secure as I did lying in Iyla’s lap. I was sleepy as hell, but I didn’t want to miss a second of her.
I fought the lull of sleep as she gently stroked the top of my head. The way her tiny hands rubbed my head made me realize why cats purred when somebody rubbed them. My big ass felt like purring. Instead, I talked.
“You think men can be sexually assaulted?” I asked her.
“Of course.”
The hint of disinterest and the way she barely reacted to my question made me comfortable enough to elaborate. Anytime Iwas around Iyla, it felt like I was in a judgment free zone. This time felt no different.
“I used to think we couldn’t. You know? Like we’re men. We love sex. We love anything remotely related to sex. Even after what I went through, I always said part of me must have liked it. I mean there was always a small part of me that did. If I liked it even a little bit that meant it couldn’t have been wrong. I’m a man.”
“Something happened in prison?” she questioned.
“Naw.”
I didn’t expound on her question as I turned it over in my head. I knew going into detail meant that there was no turning back. I had never shared what I was about to tell her with anyone else, not even my brothers, and I trusted them with my life.
Iyla was patient. She continued to rake her fingertips across my waves in slow steady passes as I thought about where to start. Maybe I should save this shit for our next session. Now, though, the air was thick with anticipation. I wanted to get this shit off my chest once and for all, and maybe I wouldn’t have to ever speak on it again.
“I’ve always loved to cook. When I was little, I used to help my mom in the kitchen. I think I told you that. After my dad died, things changed. Not only was he gone, but my mom had to work a little more to pick up the slack. My brothers were into activities like sports and shit, but I hated them. I didn’t like team sports. I was fairly good at football, but it wasn’t my thing. My mom wanted to use our after-school activities as a babysitter, but I wasn’t going for it. I wanted to be home.
“I missed my dad picking us up from school and doing shit with us. I hated the change. Eventually my mom gave up on making me participate. She let me stay home but got the girl from a couple of houses down to stay with me until she got off.Leela was my babysitter from the time I was about nine until I was thirteen.
“I haven’t seen her in years, but I don’t think I will ever forget her. My mom didn’t like the idea of me staying home alone, so when the guys were at practice, she was there. She spent most of the day at our house during the summer. Things between us started gradually. She would ask about my brothers and give me little messages for them. Neither of them wanted her. She wasn’t an ugly girl. I think she was just too thirsty for them. Anyway, since she couldn’t get to either of them, she settled for the next best thing.”
“You.”
“Hmph, my little inexperienced ass. I didn’t even like girls like that yet besides the ones on TV. My brothers were going through the whole neighborhood messing with all the girls at that point, but I just liked my games and cartoons. I was still learning to cook at that point, so Leela was supposed to make sure I had something to eat. She started withholding food unless I would do things to her. Her requests started out small.
“She made me suck her titties a few times before she made me do more. Either I did it, or I didn’t eat. Some days I went hungry. I didn’t mind doing what she wanted me to do as much as I hated being forced to do it. I wanted to beat her ass, but she was big as hell. Plus, my mom had already drilled in my head how I wasn’t supposed to hit girls.” I scoffed.
“I can understand how that was a dilemma,” Iyla commented.
“Yeah. I’m sure you’re wondering why I didn’t just tell my mom what was happening.”
“I’m sure deep down you were too embarrassed.”
“More than anything.” I nodded. “Like why would I tell my mom that a girl liked me and was letting me do all these things that my brothers bragged about doing with girls? It washumiliating. I threatened to tell somebody early on. I didn’t care. I just didn’t like it. She told me that she knew I was gay, and she couldn’t wait to tell everybody in the neighborhood that I didn’t like girls.
“Somehow that felt like a worse fate than exposing her perverted ass. At the same time, I figured no one would even believe that an older girl was forcing me to do all that shit. Like I said, it wasn’t that I hated it. I just knew it was wrong. I didn’t like her like that. Hmph. Sometimes I think about it, and I feel sorry for her. What the hell was going on with a girl who was fourteen or fifteen years old that she wanted to have sex withme?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if something was going on at home.”
“Well I started fighting and getting in trouble at school. At first I was trying to get after school detention. It worked a few times, but then I got in bigger trouble. I was getting suspended from school and sent to juvenile detention and shit. I just wanted to get away from her without having to tell somebody why I wanted to so bad. My mom loved Leela. She knew how to play the innocent girl next door role to a T. Every time I put my hands on somebody, I was thinking about what I wanted to do to her but couldn’t. I think my mom chalked it up to me being angry and hurt about losing my dad since everything happened around the same time. She didn’t even know I was sexually active until that heifer gave me an STD. By then, I was almost fourteen.”
“Damn.”
“I know, right?”
