Page 36 of Magic & Matchmaking
“You’re not happy,” my father said.
I turned to him, a laugh escaping me. “What clued you in?” I gestured to my tear-streaked face, my puffy eyes.
He laughed, too, and soon we both were laughing, until it turned into a hiccup, then a sob, and then I was crying again.
“Oh, Emma.” My father reached into the front pocket of his tunic and pulled out a handkerchief, dabbing at my cheeks.
That only made me cry harder.
“That’s not quite what I meant,” he finally said once my sobs quieted.
“About what?”
He ran a hand over his thinning grey hair. “I didn’t mean you’re not happy in this moment. Clearly you’re not, but I meant you haven’t been happy. In a long time.”
I swallowed, my throat going dry. “That’s not true. I love being here with you, working with you.”
“Maybe.” He tipped his head to the side, the light showing all the little wrinkles stretching across his forehead. “But it doesn’t mean you’ve been happy.”
“It’s a good life,” I protested.
“But is it the life you want for yourself?” he asked.
We’d never talked about this before, had a conversation about what I wanted for myself. What I wanted didn’t matter.
I opened my mouth, not sure what to say.
“Oh.” He put his head into his hands.
“Are you alright?” Panic spiked in me. “Is it your heart?”
“I’ve made such a mess of things,” he said.
“What are you talking about?” I tucked a stray curl behind my ear. “How have you made a mess of anything? All you’ve ever done is be there for me. You never had to. From the moment you came into my life, you acted like a father. Not like I was a burden or something to get rid of. You loved me.”
“Of course I did.” He stared at me in shock. “Emma, I fell in love with you the moment I met you. You were such an inquisitive, kind, wonderful girl. I never had any choice in the matter. You looked up at me with those wide blue eyes, hair a mess, and asked why in the world I was wearing shoes at the river bank.”
I sniffled. I remembered. My mother and I often visited the riverbank to walk along the little beach. We’d dip our toes in the water, slosh through the shallow parts, looking for colorful rocks and river glass. I’d been horrified that my mother’s newest suitor was wearing shoes, worried that he’d be like all the other men my mother brought home that didn’t understand our rituals, our life.
“So you sat down,” I said, “and took your shoes off.”
“And I never looked back.” A soft smile tugged at his lips. “Emma, after your mother died, I fell apart.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
He waved away my words. “I let myself fall apart. I didn’t eat, I didn’t take care of myself.”
“You were grieving.”
He gave me an incredulous look. “So were you.”
My eyes welled with tears again.
“You sacrificed everything for me, and I let myself believe it was what you wanted. I let myself believe you were happy. That you needed me. Until Riven came.”
I stiffened.
“I’ve seen you two through the tea shop windows, walking around town. There is nothing fake about that relationship.”
