Page 59 of Beasts of Briar
My heart pounded at the accusation.
“All you do is close yourself off to us. To everyone.” She stood. “It must be so very lonely to be you, Bellamy.” She stared down at me with pity in her eyes.
I swallowed, tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.
“Listen, I love a good shadow daddy as much as anyone else.” Driscoll stood as well. “But Leoni’s right. You can’t fall for him. We have a job to do, and we have to see it through. Everyone’s depending on us.”
I didn’t say anything, my hands throbbing to the point that moving them anymore was too painful.
I just swallowed and watched as Leoni and Driscoll walked away from me and back to the castle.
It must be so very lonely to be you, Bellamy.It was lonely, but it was also the only way I knew how to protect myself. I couldn’t lose anyone else. If I did, it might break me completely. They were right. I was being foolish. Spending every night with Kairoth on that terrace. Telling him about my brothers, my childhood, letting him tell me stories about his time as a god, his time as a human. It made me feel like what we had was normal. And it wasn’t.
There was no way this could end well for either of us. So tonight, there would be no terrace visit.
I reached to grab hold of another stalk, but my hand sank into soft dirt. I looked down and realized what I was seeing: the nettle weed was gone. All of it. I had to find a way to get more, and that meant finding a way out of this castle to do it.
Chapter Thirty-Three
KAIROTH
Ipaced back and forth in my room, looking out the window and up at the terrace. It was the fourth night now that Bellamy hadn’t appeared. Not on the terrace. Not in my dreams. Not in the gardens. She was nowhere to be found in this damn castle, and it was irritating me far more than it should have.
My shadows would alert me to anyone who left. They were also instructed to guard the doors and windows. Anyone who tried to escape would be stopped by them.
Which meant she must’ve been hiding from me. It made me agitated. Jumpy. I wondered if she was planning something and didn’t want to see me. I should’ve spent our time together asking more questions about those nettle weeds. What the sweaters meant. Why she insisted on suffering and putting herself through so much. But no, instead, I’d wanted to get to know her. I’d let myself believe that maybe she saw me as more than just a monster. A killer.
Of course she didn’t.
I’d explained as much as I could about my past, but she likely didn’t believe me anyway.
The door clicked open.
“Are you just going to sulk all night or are you coming down for dinner?” Goji asked from behind me. “Cook made a stew, and it’s getting cold.”
I ground my teeth together, turning to face the pixie. I’d known Goji since I escaped sixty years ago. She’d served me during that time. She’d advised me. And she’d never minced her words. I both loved and hated that about her.
“I’m not sulking, Goji. I’m a god. Gods don’t?—”
“Then what would you call it?” She raised a brow. “Hm? Over the last few days, you’ve been grumpy, distant. You’ve snapped at nearly everyone in this castle. You made poor Wesley cry.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“And I have a feeling I know why.”
I stilled, the shadows coiled around me also going still. “What are you talking about?”
“You just got another weapon,” Goji said with her thick accent. “You should be ecstatic. You’re getting closer to having all of them, to achieving everything you’ve wanted.”
“What is your point?” I asked.
She crossed her arms. “It’s the woman. She’s the only possible reason you could be acting like this.”
I shoved a hand through my hair, irritated because she was right. “Why is she avoiding me?”
“Because I told her to,” Goji said.
“What?” My voice went low, deadly.
