Page 55 of Beasts of Briar
He waved his hand, and the shadow snatched the bread, then flew away with it. He pointed a finger at the coin, and one of his shadows lifted into the air and placed it back in its spot. “Our greatest strength comes from the element we control,” he saidas one of his shadows stretched forward and caressed my cheek, leaving me breathless from the contact. “But there are limits. We can’t bring back someone who’s already dead.”
“Like the woman,”I guessed as the shadow retreated.
He nodded. “That happened again and again and again. It drained me, constantly disappointing people. The other gods didn’t seem to care as much. They reveled in the attention and the gifts, the fame. The power.” It was his turn again and he rolled the die, getting a six. “What’s a six?” he asked.
“Move your piece forward and see.”
He hesitated but moved his gold coin forward six spaces, landing on the same space as my silver coin. I grabbed my coin and took it off the board.
“Now that’s interesting,” he said.
“Why do you think you cared so much and the other gods didn’t?”I asked, not sure if I entirely believed him. I wanted to, but I also wondered if he was playing a part, telling me stories that would tug at my heart strings and make him look good. To what end, I still didn’t know. Maybe to learn my secrets.
It was his turn to shift in his seat, his shadows flaring out, then coiling back around him. “I didn’t quite fit in with the other gods from the beginning. They could wield fire, air, water, frost, earth, the stars. I had shadows. I had darkness. I think I intimidated them, their shadows constantly stretching out toward me as if they wanted to come to me.”
I’d never thought of that. I straightened in my chair.“Would they lose their powers if you took their shadows?”
“I couldn’t take their shadows, and they knew that. I think it just made them uncomfortable that I could take their followers’ shadows, make their followers lose their magic.” He hesitated. “It wasn’t just shadows I commanded. That’s what I’m known for in your world, but in what you call the Old World, I was associated with death. When elementals died, I got theirshadows. Once a body has died, I can keep a shadow. It will stay with me until I release it. You can see how dangerous this makes me. The kind of armies I could create. The kind of fear this elicited in others.”
I rolled again and got a six, moving my piece along the edge of the X. I was halfway around the board with my front piece at this point.
“It wasn’t just the other gods who associated me with death. It was everyone.”
“That must’ve been lonely.”For the first time since we’d met, I felt a kinship with him. I knew what it felt like to be different, to be the outcast. I’d been one in the Wilds since the day I was born.
His throat bobbed behind his shadows. “It was lonely. I learned to keep my distance. Rumors spread about my powers, by the other gods or my own followers, I don’t know. People would see me coming and scream, afraid I was there to kill them. Even though I’d never killed anyone. My presence caused panic everywhere.”
There was such pain in his voice, and I missed his teasing tone, wanted to bring it back. I reached out and lay my hand over his.
He stilled just like he had the other night when we were in that tree. I wondered if anyone had ever offered him a hand. If anyone had ever touched him. I had twice now and both times he acted like I’d kissed him. The image of my lips on his flashed in my mind, making heat coil in my belly.
I took my hand back.“I know what it’s like to feel different too,”I signed.
“It sounds like you had a loving family,” he said. “I doubt you know what it feels like.”
“I did have a loving family. But that doesn’t mean they understood me. I was the only one my mother rejected.”
He sat back in his chair as he rolled again. This time a two. He put another piece on the board. “You haven’t spoken much about your mother. Why did she reject you?”
I immediately regretted that I’d said anything. I hated this part of my past. Hated thinking about it. I’d spent so many years not thinking about her. Focusing on what I had instead of what I didn’t.“She was affected by that curse.”I leaned forward.“She’d turned into a catlike creature. My father had to imprison her long enough for her to give birth to me. Once she did, she wanted nothing to do with me. My father begged her to stay, to be a family. He didn’t care what she’d turned into. But she said she couldn’t stand the sight of me. So she left.”
“I’m sorry,” Kairoth said, and it sounded like he meant it, genuine sorrow filling his voice. “That must have been incredibly painful, Bellamy.”
“My brothers all knew what it was like to have a mother. They all had wonderful, happy memories of her. They knew what it felt like to be loved by her. All I knew was her scorn.”I hesitated, then squeezed my eyes shut.“They never said anything, but sometimes I wonder if they blamed me. She left because of me, because something about me was so reprehensible she didn’t want to be a part of it.”
A tear rolled down my cheek. I’d never said that out loud to anyone. Never admitted it. Not even to my brothers. I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me, not when they were suffering so much from the loss of her.
I felt a finger brush the tear away, and my eyes popped open. Kairoth had reached across the table, his pale hand stretching through his shadows. “They wouldn’t have blamed you,” he said.
Heat seared the place he’d touched as he withdrew his hand and tucked it at his side.
“It was your mother’s choice to leave,” and then he said his next words so quietly I almost missed them. “It was her loss.”
His piercing amber eyes glowed behind the wispy forms of the shadows, and I held his gaze for moment before nodding.
“Your turn,”I signed.
Chapter Thirty-Two
