Page 80 of Tower of Tempest
“Are you okay, dear?” the queen asked, eyeing me.
Saestra tugged at the long wool sleeves of her thick blue dress as gusty wind blew past us, fluttering the curtains that hung over our little tent.
“I’m fine,”I lied.
I’d spent the rest of the ball last night anxiously waiting for the moment I could leave and go to Loch. The area between my legs ached with need after what he’d done to me on the balcony. My cheeks heated just thinking about it. Spirits below, I still couldn’t believe I’d let him do that...right outside the ballroom. I’d wanted him to do it again. Yet when I’d finally arrived at my room, Loch hadn’t been there.
He must’ve changed his mind, decided I was a lost cause after all. Finally realized I had nothing to offer him. He was the playboy prince, and I was, well, I didn’t know who I was. Especially after that conversation with my father last night. I’d thought about broaching it with the queen, but it would only hurt her. She loved her husband very much, and to know he doubted my identity would cause strife. I didn’t want that. So I’d just have to prove myself to him. If only I knew how.
I squirmed in my chair as a servant poured me a cup of tea. I didn’t want to think about those things today. I didn’t want to think about anything negative. Not when I was here with the queen on this beautiful day. She’d said Saestra wanted to join us and get to know me better, but I couldn’t help but think the king instructed his niece to be here to watch me.
Queen Bronwen lifted a spoonful of sugar and dumped it into her tea, stirring. “This tea is from the mafasus leaves, common only in the forest where your tower is located,” she said. “These leaves are rare and quite the delicacy.”
“The queen and I do this every single week,” Saestra said, giving Queen Bronwen a soft smile. “It’s our tradition.”
I took a sip from my cup, and it tasted like home with its earthy undertones. Gran and I had drunk this tea so often over the years, and I’d never known what a rarity it was. I remembered the way we’d had an entire ritual surrounding it. Gran had told me tea was a special occasion in the shadow court. We’d sit at our table in the tower and Gran would set the teacups down, then make the tea in front of me, steeping the leaves in hot water, then pouring it from high up. She’d told me it was an art, one that she’d had to practice extensively growing up. Then we’d smell our tea and take a slow sip, savoring the flavors.
“You know,” Queen Bronwen said with a twinkle in her green eyes, “I usedto hate taking tea with my own mother. So much so that I’d hide so she couldn’t find me. It made my mother so mad.” She let out a quiet laugh. “I’d hear her voice thundering through our tiny home as she called for me, and I’d be hiding in a closet or under the bed. I can’t tell you how many spankings I got because of it.”
I choked on my tea, laughing at the image of her as a little girl, flattened under a bed. “Why did you hate it so much?”
Saestra’s eyes sparkled. “She’s always been ornery, defiant. It’s why she’s such a great queen.” There was envy wrapped into Saestra’s words. I wondered if she compared herself to the queen often.
Queen Bronwen leaned back and pulled the lavender shawl around her shoulders tighter, her wings twitching. She sat for a moment, staring out in the distance like she was in a different place, a different time. “My mother was not cruel,” she said slowly, “but she was not an easy woman to please. There was always something wrong: the way I sat, what I wore, the way my hair would escape from its neat braids, the way I drank my tea. I wanted to avoid her, her criticisms, at all costs. It always felt like I owed her something, that in order for her to appreciate me, I needed to act a certain way.” She shook her head. “I hated it. So I hid.”
I thought of my own experience with Gran, so eerily similar.
“I know what that feels like,” I admitted. “My... the woman who raised me didn’t give affection, or love, very freely.”
Her eyes flashed with anger. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I vowed to never make my own children feel that way, and then, well...” She spread out her hands.
“Aunt Bronwen, you’ve been a wonderful mother figure to me.” Saestra put her hand on the queen’s arm, and the queen gave her a soft smile.
“And you’ve been a wonderful niece. I’ve loved you like my own daughter.”
I took a sip of my tea, a pang shooting through me. The queen gave her love so freely. Nothing like Gran, who always made me feel like I had to earn it. “You can’t blame yourself,” I added. “It’s not your fault. None of it was.”
A guilty look flashed across her face, that same one she’d had every time I’d mentioned my gran over the last week.
“The ball was lovely last night.” I sipped from the cup, the warm liquid soothing and delicious.
Her lips quirked. “Speaking of the ball, I noticed you danced quite frequently with a certain captain of the guard.”
My eyes flicked to Erasmus, who stood nearby, speaking with a few other guards who were stationed near us.
“Yes.” I kept my tone light. “He’s quite the teacher. By the end of the night, I felt almost proficient.”
She laughed, leaning forward. “He’s smitten with you. I can tell. He’s usually so serious, but you’ve caught his attention.”
I nearly dropped my cup. Erasmus was nice. He was handsome. He made me laugh, but he wasn’t... I couldn’t even finish the thought.
It surfaced anyway, like a bobbing apple that refused to sink. He wasn’t Loch. My mood soured once again.
“Now, there’s no rush, darling, but we do need to start thinking about potential matches.”
“Matches?” I repeated.
Saestra twirled a blond strand of hair around her finger. “You’re to wed,” she said. “You must as heir.”
