Page 74 of Ship of Shadows
“It’s me.”
I sat up straighter in bed. Oh no. Things had gotten so bad they sent the queen to check on me. Whom I couldn’t say no to. Yes, she was a friend, but she was also the ruler of Elwen, and I was staying in her castle. I couldn’t deny her entry to my room.
“Can I come in?” Liliath said.
I rose from the bed, my bare feet padding against the cool wooden floors. I unlocked the door and opened it to see Liliath standing there, her black hair short and curling around her ears, which I still wasn’t used to. As long as I’d known Liliath, her longhair had been her pride and joy, but the short cut suited her so well.
She set her green eyes on me and pursed her lips as she swept past me, the soft fabric of her light blue dress brushing against my arm.
“Well, this is... pleasant.” She gestured to the closed drapes, the dark space, the clothes all over the floor. “Glad you’re making yourself at home here.” She walked toward the windows and threw open the curtains, sunlight barreling in. A view of green hills and tall trees spread out below. From here, I could even see the main town, spread out along a river. People darted in and out of shops, making their way along the cobblestone boardwalk with baskets hanging over their arms, full of eggs and bread and hard cheeses.
“That’s better.” Liliath spun and walked toward the four-poster bed, sinking down onto it and patting the space next to her.
I sat next to her, eyes still adjusting to the warm light that now bathed the room in its glow.
“You know,” Liliath said. “When I was in the middle of a crisis, you’re the one who made me feel better.”
I scoffed. I hadn’t known she was in a crisis at the time. She’d kept that from me. She’d kept a lot from me. “What could I have possibly done to help you?”
She swallowed. “You told me the truth about the pirate lord, how guilty you felt for falling for him. It made me feel less alone in my own guilt. It made me realize that none of us are perfect, Gabrielle. Though far too often, as rulers, we’re expected to be. It’s okay to not always be strong, to not always feel strong. Those are the moments that help us become who we’re meant to be.”
I dragged a toe in circles on the floor. “What if I don’t want to become who I’m meant to be?”
“Then don’t,” Liliath said.
“It’s not that simple.” My hands twisted together in my lap. “I have to go back to Apolis as a failure. I have yet again let down my people, my mother, and now I’ll be stepping into a role I don’t even want.”
With a broken heart on top of it.
“Who says?” Liliath grabbed me by the shoulders and gave me a shake. “You don’t need the pirate lord to save your brothers.”
“He knows the shadow court better than anyone. It’s not about giving up, Liliath. It’s about being realistic. I can’t risk any more on some foolish journey I should’ve never taken in the first place.” I looked up. “You know, I’m not even sure I did any of this for the right reasons. Part of me wonders if I just wanted one last adventure. That I was so desperate to delay becoming queen that I sailed away on a ship and pretended to be someone I’m not.”
“And who is that?” Liliath tucked a black strand behind her ear.
“Normal?” I asked, and she laughed.
“You’re many things, but normal definitely is not one of them.”
I gave her a little shove.
Cracks webbed the walls, and roots hung from the ceiling. Dirt stains smattered various places on the walls and the ceiling. I’d kept it so dark in here that this was the first time I was noticing it. “Is this from your stepmother?” I pointed up. “From the damage she inflicted during her reign?”
Liliath nodded. “We’re slowly rebuilding, but everything takes time.”
I thought about that empty vial. “Why didn’t you use the rest of the pixie dust to defeat your stepmother?”
“I didn’t need to,” she said simply. “She wanted to destroy me, and in return she promised she’d stop stealing everyone’smagic. I didn’t want to use dust and not know the price I’d have to pay when instead I could pay the price myself. It seemed fair after everything that had happened.” Her gaze was stuck on a dark vine that slinked down the wall. “She destroyed herself in the end, and Penn and I realized it would be better to get rid of the dust and rid ourselves of the temptation to ever use it.”
I didn’t blame her.
“It’s brave that you didn’t give up. It’s amazing how you saved your court.” I turned toward the queen. “But I’m not you. My situation isn’t the same. My father died trying to find my brothers. That could happen to me, and then I’d truly doom my court. I need to stop being selfish, to stop putting myself first.”
“Or maybe that’s exactly what you need to do. Driscoll and Leoni have told me a lot about what’s happened over the last week, everything you’ve discovered. You know where to dock your ship, you know what the shadows are afraid of, you know that Mal and Lochlan are alive and okay.” She paused. “Well, as okay as they can be.”
“What’s your point?” I twirled a long strand of hair around a finger.
“My point is that we have a library full of information, and our scholars have been working tirelessly to recover all the texts we have on the shadow court. I know Sorrengard is planning something, and I’m determined to be prepared.” She gestured to the door. “Take a few days to research, to read, to gather information, and then decide if you want to go home to Apolis or go to the shadow court and save your brothers yourself.”
