Page 40 of Ship of Shadows
I looked up to see Driscoll stomping toward us, his brows bunched in anger.
“What now?” Leoni murmured.
“Be nice,” I said back to her.
“He has no filter!”
I tapped my chin. “Gee, who does that remind me of?”
She shoved me, and I laughed.
Driscoll stopped in front of us, hands on his hips. We both stared at him, waiting for whatever he had to say.
“Well?” he asked, tapping his foot.
“Well?” Leoni gestured for him to continue.
He huffed. “Aren’t you going to ask what I’m so upset about?”
“Wasn’t planning on it,” Leoni said.
I flicked her. “What’s wrong, Driscoll?”
He huffed. “I needed to relieve myself. Up until now I’ve been sneaking into the captain’s cabin and using his toilet when he’s gone.” He flung a hand toward me. “But today, you were in there with him arguing loud enough for the whole ship to hear, and I couldn’t wait any longer. So I asked one of the crew members where the toilet was. And now I’ve been completely humiliated.”
Leoni looked at him, the corners of her mouth twitching. “Okay, you’ve got my attention.”
Laughter bubbled out of me before I could stop it, then Driscoll shot me a glare. “Sorry,” I said. “Um, how were you humiliated, exactly?”
“Well, let me show you.”
He turned and stormed away.
Leoni looked at me. “I think that means we’re supposed to follow.”
We both got to our feet and followed Driscoll past the mast and to the other side of the ship, where five barrels sat in a corner. Tucked behind the barrels was an opening in the railing. Against the wall behind the opening lay a long plank. Driscoll edged around the barrels, then lifted the plank.
Well, he tried to lift the plank. He grunted loudly as we came to a stop behind him, struggling to even get it an inch off the ground.
“What does this have to do with needing a toilet?” Leoni asked.
Driscoll dropped the plank and straightened. “They told me I had to walk to the end of the plank to... you know. Told me to drop my pants and squat while balancing on this thing.” He pointed down at the long piece of wood.
Leoni and I looked at each other and burst into laughter. Tears streamed down my face, and I couldn’t stop, picturing Driscoll attempting to walk the plank and then squat at the end.
He gestured to Bartholomew, still mopping and humming away. “The bard said he was going to write a song about it. I’m going to be famous for trying to take a shit on the end of a plank!”
Leoni doubled over. “I can’t believe...” She gasped, swiping at the tears on her face. “I can’t believe you fell for that.”
“I’ve never been on a pirate ship before.” Driscoll planted his hands on his hips. “I don’t know what kind of barbaric methods they use to go to the bathroom.”
“Did you do it?” I asked between gasps.
“No, I didn’t do it,” Driscoll mimicked. “I got halfway across when the entire crew started laughing, and then I realized what was happening—and I still haven’t found the toilet!”
Leoni rolled her eyes. She pointed up to the forecastle right behind the barrels. “It’s up past there, on the bowsprit at the end of the ship.”
He looked at the long bow of the ship that was below the forecastle and jutted in a sharp point. A toilet was cut into the bow, and I’d discovered a bathtub there as well, a barrel next to it with clean water for bathing.
