Page 133 of Ship of Shadows
She bit her lip, looking unsure, but nodded. “I promise.” Then she disappeared under the water.
I glanced at the sky above.
“You know, for someone who preaches so much about standing up for yourself, you don’t really follow your own advice.” Leoni joined my side.
I hugged her tight. “I missed you so much. I’m so sorry we fought.”
“No.” She sighed. “I’m sorry. I was lashing out at you, and it wasn’t fair.” She looked up at the stars. “The truth is sometimes I don’t know who I am, who I can be, without you.”
My brows furrowed. “You’re the captain of my guard. You’re my fiercest protector.”
“And what happens when you don’t need me anymore?” she asked.
I put my hands on her shoulders. “I’ll always need you.”
“But not to protect you.”
“When I’m queen?—”
“Gabrielle,” she said, cocking a brow. “Think about what you just said to Marian. Is that what you really want? To be queen? For Bastian to be king?”
My brows furrowed. “Well, no, but it doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does. Why do your dreams matter less than others? Talk to your brothers, talk to your mother. Don’t accept a fate that you’ll only be living in with half your heart.”
Her words stunned me. “You’re saying I should tell them I don’t want to be queen and that I... what? Want to be what?”
She looked at me like I was an idiot. “What do you want to be?”
I glanced behind me at Bastian. His. I wanted to be his. But I wanted more than that too.
“Oh, come on.” Leoni planted her hands on her hips. “You volunteered us to work on the ship. To rig sails and repair canvasand swab the deck. Who does that? I mean, really, who does that?” She gave me a pointed stare. “So I’ll ask you again, what do you want to be, Gabrielle Aster?”
“A pirate,” I said, surprising myself when the answer came so easily. Blood and water. That’s what I wanted to be. A pirate. I wanted to sail the seas and be free. I stared at the ocean in shock. “Do you think I can do it?”
“Yes,” Leoni said. “I do. But you can’t run away this time. You can’t do it in secret. You need to speak your truth. Stop asking for permission from those who won’t grant it. Apolis will be okay. We’ll all be okay. Go live your life.”
My mouth dropped open. “I—I—” I said weakly. “When did you get so smart?”
She rolled her eyes. “I’ve always been the smart one, Princess.”
I laughed and shoved her.
Leoni clapped her hand on my shoulder. “Now get some sleep. We arrive in Apolis tomorrow.” She walked away and left me alone with my thoughts.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow would decide my fate. I thought about Leoni’s words. No. I would decide my fate, and this time, I wouldn’t run.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
The ship sailed toward the docks of Apolis, my home rising up in the distance. Homes dotted the rocky hills, the glittering river cutting through and circling the court. From the main deck, I could see our bustling market, our castle gleaming under the sun.
I frowned when I noticed all the guards standing on the boardwalk, some with water spears in their hands, others with balls of water they were ready to launch like cannons.
My mother pushed through the guards, her gaze hard as stone.
Mal and Lochlan appeared at my side, and her hand floated to her mouth as she crumpled into one of the guard’s chests. We came closer, and the guards shot each other unsure looks, spears beginning to falter. Then the boys began running to the railing, shouting out and whooping at seeing their home, and chaos broke loose on the boardwalk.
Weapons forgotten, everyone rushed to the docks, looking for familiar faces as the boys shouted for their mothers and fathers. Those would be hard conversations to have, since most of their fathers were gone. But we’d get through it.
