Page 70 of Mirror of Malice
I thrashed. “Let . . . me . . . go.”
“No,” he said simply.
No? What in the good green earth did that mean? He was just going to hold me here forever? Well, not forever. I’d run out of air eventually and pass out.
“You wanted to do this,” he said. “You wanted to spar, wanted to earn your place in my academy. I tried to end the fight, but you refused. So fight. Fight me.”
His words lit a fire in me. Fight. Fight for my people. Fight for my friends. Fight for myself.
I let out a scream and brought the jagged end of my stick right down into his arm. He swore and his grip loosened enough for me to duck out of it. I hopped to my feet and kicked his stick out of his hands, bringing up a swath of dust that flew into his eyes. It was just the distraction I needed to push my boot intohis back. I jumped on top of him, straddling him, weapon now pointed right at his throat.
My breathing was heavy, and sweat dripped down my head, but I felt... amazing. I’d just done that. I’d out-maneuvered the king of thieves.
“Well done,” Penn said from beneath me, and an image flashed before my mind.
One of Penn underneath me in a very different situation. I imagined his broad, muscled chest, running my hands over it, imagined what it might feel like to have him inside me as I rocked on top. No, not going there.
“You’re looking very pleased with yourself,” Penn said, voice low and eyes glittering as if he knew exactly what I was thinking about.
I tightened my grip on the stick. “Careful, you’re in a very compromising situation.”
“Ah, but you’re forgetting something.” Penn’s head tipped slightly in the direction of his hand.
He gripped a sharp rock, holding it up. One good thwack would be all it took to knock me out. I hadn’t even seen him grab it when I’d tackled him. I’d been too busy living out some absurd fantasy in my mind.
Disappointment replaced my glee, and I stood, dropping the stick. “So what now? I fail?” I spread out my arms. “I don’t get to join your academy?”
I leaned back against the outside of the cave wall. Suddenly everything felt so impossible. I couldn’t even defeat Penn in a fight. How was I going to steal something from Princess Gabrielle? Defeat my stepmother?
“You wanna talk about it?” Penn leaned against the cave wall next to me.
I shrugged, playing with the frayed end of my tunic. “When I was young, I grew up thinking my father knew everything, thathe was this amazing, strong man. Then I got older and started realizing all his faults, the ways I wanted to be better than him. I wanted to be the kind of queen my people deserved. I’m not an idiot. I saw the flaws of our court, that we didn’t feel like a cohesive unit, everyone out for themselves. And it started at the top, with my father being so closed off. I wanted to create a sense of community.” I shook my head. “I was always so sure about the kind of queen I could be. But ever since you took me from that prison, I feel like I’ve gotten further from that goal. If my people could see me now...” I gestured to Penn. “Working with the king of thieves, resorting to stealing in order to save the earth court—I don’t know if they’d think I was any different, any better, than my father. I’m doing all these things that I’m not proud of, and I can’t even do them right. I’ve been so focused on saving the earth court, but what if I doom them anyway because I don’t know how to be what they need?”
“Lilypad,” Penn said. “Look at me.”
I raised my eyes to meet his.
“You’re not your father, and that’s okay. Because you’re you. Have you ever considered that might be so much better?”
A gust of wind blew past us, the warm breeze filled with gritty sand. We both shielded our eyes from the onslaught until it had passed.
“What are you talking about, Penn? You don’t know what kind of queen I’ll be.”
“Yes, I do. I’ve seen the way you take charge. You’re not afraid of anything, You meet every challenge thrown at you, even if it’s not something you’re skilled at. You successfully planned your escape from both me and Jasper. It was impressive, by the way. The way you rescued Shadow and me from those sand pits.”
“And I botched the rescue.”
“No, you didn’t.” Penn took hold of my shoulders, giving them a light shake. “You don’t have to be a great warrior or agreat thief. Yes, I need you on this mission, but I don’t need you to be something you’re not.” Penn swiped a hand over his head and blew out a frustrated breath. “Why can’t you see how amazing you are? You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to prove anything. Just be you. You make your own magic.”
His gaze bore into me, his hands so firm and steady on my shoulders. A warmth spread through my belly.
“Do you really believe that?” I asked, working hard to keep my voice from shaking.
“Yeah, I do.” He let go of me, and I swayed on my feet, woozy from our interaction.
“We better pack up and get going. It’s at least a week’s trek to the border of Apolis from here.” He marched into the cave, like he hadn’t just said those words, told me he thought I’d make a good queen, that I...what was it? Made my own magic? I wasn’t even sure what that meant, but it had felt like a compliment. Like maybe Penn didn’t hate me at all.
I wasn’t sure I hated him anymore either.
